Friday, April 10, 2015

Smells like a long post

It's nap time. I should, perhaps, also be napping, but I'm eating M&Ms, watching Part 1 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion, and typing this. Let us prepare for copious word barf.

I'll start out with non-child-related stuff, for a change.

SPEAKING OF TERRIBLE REALITY TV

Ok so RHOBH is really bad, but I can't pull myself away. UGH these hos. Except Eileen, who is so great. Let's talk about what else is on.

- RHONY. You knew this was coming. This is the best one in the Real Housewives franchise, though. And Bethenny is back, and now Ramona's friend Diamond .... Diadora .... Dido? DORINDA. I googled it. Great name, and so far, excellent character. The chubby dry cleaner boyfriend is the best.

- Married At First Sight. What the holy hell. These people trust a few "experts" to match them with a spouse, who they meet at the altar. That one sentence alone is like WARNING WARNING RED ALERT DON'T DO IT. I'm so hooked.

- iZombie. From the makers of Rebecca Mars. So good. It's not your typical scary zombie show and the writing is very funny and clever.

- Last Man on Earth. YES

- The Jinx. This is done airing but so good if you can catch it on demand or something. I love true crime stuff but often hate the way it's done on primetime tv. This one was done really well.


LET'S CATCH UP ON BOOKS BECAUSE WE ARE SMART

Just a list of what I've been reading. What are you reading?? I need another good book. Right now I'm on Amy Poehler's "Yes Please," which is pretty good so far.

- "We Are Not Ourselves," by Matthew Thomas. Did not love it. Well written but SUPER depressing.

- "To Rise Again at a Decent Hour," by Joshua Ferris. This book contained three major elements I dislike hugely: 1) Dentistry. 2) Baseball 3) Religion. It was doomed from the start. No idea why I read it.

- "The Martian," by Andy Weir. Truth be told, I thought this was going to be sci-fi horror, but it turned out to be a rather scientific account of what would happen if an astronaut got stranded on Mars. I thought I'd hate it but I ended up liking it quite a bit! I recommend it.

- "The Paying Guests" by Sarah Waters. Well. It had some sexy lesbian stuff in it, but other than that I wasn't a huge fan. The writing was pretty good though.

- "Not That Kind of Girl," by Lena Dunham. So, Lena is basically too young for a memoir is what I think. And I happen to think she is a brilliant TV writer and actress and feminist, and I LOVE her in GIRLS, but I did not love this book.

- "The Year of Magical Thinking," by Joan Didion. One simply does not speak ill of Joan Didion so I plead the fifth here.


HOW ARE THINGS AT WEIGHT WATCHERS?!

Not great, but thanks for asking. I lost 14 pounds, but I've been gaining and losing three pounds for, like, two months now. Having a rather difficult time staying motivated. Dieting sucks. Being fat sucks. I'm trying to decide which is worse.


SO TODDLERHOOD IS FUN

This is the part where I get to talk about my kid, who consumes 95% of my conscious time. So here we go.

For the longest time after I had Graham, I couldn't eat anything with dairy in it because it made him vomit. So, yes. No cheese, no butter, no cake, NO CHOCOLATE. It was a dark time we shouldn't dwell on. Eventually, after like eight months I could eat small amounts of dairy without it bugging him too much. And then, of course, once he was weaned I went frigging hog wild.

Now, Graham himself seems to do OK with little bits of dairy here and there, but I recently discovered that he is, indeed still sensitive to dairy after I very wisely gave him cream of chicken soup and a whole slice of American cheese in the same day. All I can say is: ALL THE POOP. All of it. There was so much poop that everything started to smell like poop to me. Anything I wanted to eat: poop. My husband: Poop. My pillow: Poop.

So anyway. All that to say he's off dairy now and pooping significantly less, thankfully. And I am wondering if his slight eczema issue is due to dairy, too. We'll see once I've given it a couple more weeks to clear up.

Meanwhile, Graham's new favorite word is NO. Even when he means Yes. And he's learned to lie, which is hilarious. Example:

Me: Graham, did you make a poop?

Graham: NO. (shakes his head and runs as fast as he can in the other direction, leaving a green cloud of poo smell in his wake)


So, that's all for today. I've now ingested far too much sugar to enable me to nap, and I've moved on to Part 2 of the horrible, horrible RHOBH reunion. I leave you with this photo of a determined Graham, eating his namesake cracker.