I know exactly how caffeine has once again rooted itself in my life. Just over four weeks ago, I made a note (I keep pretty meticulous notes about my kid) that Graham stood in the crib for the first time. Every night after that was more terrible than the last. Therefore HELLO CAFFEINE MY OLD FRIEND.
To beat a dead horse, for those who might remember or have read for some time, I am not supposed to have caffeine because of my arrhythmia. It doesn't bother me most days and won't kill me; it just has the ability to make me feel really, really awful. It's only been really awful on three occasions, which I shall list to ensure you are hella bored. 1) After moving to a new, higher elevation town by myself to begin a new job. I didn't find out about the arrhythmia until years later though. 2) After gaining about 20 pounds and having some stressful work times. 3) After two miscarriages and major weight fluctuation.
In every instance, I was chugging caffeine like mad. And the last two times I went to the cardiologist for it, the first thing he said is to stop drinking caffeine. So I did, and I was off of it for a long time! Until just recently. I mean, I needed it, you guys. I couldn't manage to get anything done without it. And also: It makes me a better person. I am like 142% happier on caffeine. And that's just one latte! Of course, I know it's a slippery slope.
I'm not even sure where to go from here. I'm at the point where if I miss a day, I have a bad headache. Which is a bad sign. I don't know, maybe I'll downsize to single espresso shots instead of double (I know you're like, YA THINK). What I do know, of course, is I need to quit, yet again. So that will be fun. Meh.