Wednesday, January 29, 2014

*gasp*

That was me, coming up for air.

Touche to anyone who ever said to me: "You have no idea what you're in for." Touche.

And sorry I don't have time to figure out how to make the accent over the "e" right now. WE HAVE LIMITED TIME, PEOPLE.

So. There are so many things I want to talk about. So I'll just talk until my boss wakes up, which will probably be in 3 seconds. Goodbye forever.

Hello.

For starters, can we discuss sleep and naps and oh my god whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. One book I read calls what I have "trained" my child to do "accidental parenting." Which is to say I have trained my child to believe he needs to be held and/or nursed in order to sleep. Woe is me. Major woe.

So of course this means SLEEP TRAINING, which is from THE DEVIL. I am trying to train him to calmly drift off to dreamland in his crib for every nap HAHAHA. You know how this is going, don't you? My pediatrician recommends the Ferber method, or at least what I think is the Ferber method, and I just don't know because that's kind of like crying it out? That said, have I ever met anyone whose kids are good sleepers and didn't at some point cry it out? No. Very sadly, no. Please tell me if you are a person with well-sleeping children and you have a kinder method. Because Graham won't be the only one crying it out, you know?

(BTW can I just say VERY RANDOMLY that I am managing to watch The Bachelor this season and WISH I had time to recap because holy dumbasses. Sharleen or whatever her name is? What in the world? And South Korea of all places? I am so confused. Also, Juan Pablo is my major influence when it comes to using CAPITAL LETTERS lately because I follow him on TWITTER.)

Other things that are going on:

- I am in some kind of weird mommy-and-me yoga. Which is basically a bunch of women hanging out while their babies scream bloody murder. It's a JUDGMENT FREE zone, which is why I go to my zen happy place when all the babies are screaming. Like, even if my kid is screaming, I still find other kids' screaming annoying. I am such a hypocrite.

- I am dairy free and hating it. I don't think you QUITE understand what a large part of my life ice cream used to be. Making matters worse, I received an ice cream maker for my birthday, and it's just collecting dust. No cheese, either, which is TERRIBLE. I realized most of what I eat on a daily basis has cheese in it. No milk. No MILK CHOCOLATE. Do not ask me how I am surviving this, I have no idea. (Also, in case I've failed to mention previously why I am dairy free, it's because whenever I eat dairy, Graham pukes like crazy)

- Graham is 9 weeks old! It's nuts. He's in the 50th percentile for weight and 75th for height. He's long and lean and I'm still waiting for him to chub up. WHERE MAH CHUBBY BABY AT. Anyway he's still frigging adorable and loves ceiling fans and smiles a lot and has been making the cutest noises.



- Breast feeding is still so meh. Especially when my nipple is being chomped, I mean FRIGGING OUCH. And also when I wake up drenched in boob juice in the middle of the night, which is charming.

- I am never going to catch up on sleep, ever. Ever ever.

- Anyway, I cannot believe I actually found the time to write this. Sir must be so tired from NEVER SLEEPING SHEEZUS. I'll be back to update, eventually! Please give me all your best mommy tips!

33 comments:

  1. I know, I know. The CRYING. And you feel like your heart is bursting and your insides are being squeezed and you want to run in there to save them. I KNOW. Jason used to set a timer for 3 minutes. It meant that I couldn't go in the room to check on the kids until it went off. However, it works. We used pacifiers with both my kids, and they definitely helped with the going to sleep thing. I had to "sleep train" Sean. Allie was a freak of nature and wanted to be put down after post nursing/bottle burp so she could sleep in peace without the crazy people touching her, thankyouverymuch. Both kids had to be swaddled tighter than Houdini to go to sleep though.

    Good luck dearie! He's such a cutie!!

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    1. G won't take a pacifier, ugh. And I need to swaddle him too or else he wakes himself up BUT he HATES being swaddled. Makes for fun bedtime.

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    2. Mine quit with the pacifier at ten weeks. While I have nothing at all against them, and I think they are very handy, I've had several friends who have had serious trouble with babies waking up when it falls out, sometimes many times a night. At least you won't have to deal with that.

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  2. I have three little boys, and I used a version of the Ferber method with all of them. Actually, I don't really know if that's even accurate, because I'm a C+ mom and I never really read any books about the Ferber method. But yeah, they cry it out. But before any Pinterest moms can judge me - it's not just that you put the baby in his crib and then let him scream until he passes out. We would put him down after a very scheduled nighttime routine. He would be fed, bathed, and loved on. Once they start crying, you come in after five minutes and lay them back down and pat their back. I guess to let them know you didn't abandon them or something? I don't know. Anyway, you just gradually increase the length of time between going in the room. And you never talk. And you stop back rubbing after that first time. It took about a week of never straying from that routine for them to get it. All three of my boys sleep in their own room, in their own bed, and fall asleep on their own EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT since they were babies. It was exhausting. And it pulled at my heart strings, for sure. But it was less exhausting than sharing a bed with you kid until they're, like, five.

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    1. I'm curious about what age you started this?

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    2. Around four months or so. I've heard/read that you shouldn't start until six months, but by then, my boys were sitting up and crawling and eating solids, so I'm assumed it was safe to start earlier. And they're alive, so, it worked?

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  3. Ok on the sleep thing? My son was a terrible sleeper. And we never did Cry It Out. And he is a fantastic sleeper now.

    But! Here come the caveats. He's 7 now, so he's well past the bad sleep stage. I slept with him, we co-slept for 2.5 years. Because he would sleep well beside me.

    Would I recommend it? Not really. My kid would NOT sleep after crying (believe me. We tried. A caregiver tried for me and he cried for 1.5 hours and never slept. Never again.) and I slept ok with him there. But if you don't, and your little one will sleep after a short amount of crying, I would definitely suggest you bite the bullet and do it. I'm a better mom with more sleep, and I bet I'm not alone!

    Best of luck!

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    1. He'll sometimes sleep after crying and sometimes not. That said I haven't been at all consistent so who knows what he's really capable of...

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  4. Not sure if this makes it better or worse but my doc said not to worry about sleep training until after 6 months. Or is this just naps you speak of?

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    1. He does ok at night so my main concern right now is naps. My doc recommended we start training now but I've yet to hear of two pediatricians who agree on anything.

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  5. Obvs I don't have any parenting tips, but I AM looking forward to yours once I get around to making one. That saidL Good LORD you made one handsome child. He looks so distinguished.

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    1. Here's my tip WAY beforehand. When he's tired, put him down in the crib for a nap, starting day 1. You aren't going to want to, but it will pay off later. And thank you-- I of course think he's the most adorable thing I've ever seen.

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  6. Funniest post ever, Erin, although I feel your pain. It's one thing to *know about* sleep deprivation, and to be sleep-deprived for a day because you stayed up too late the night before. It's a whole other thing to be chronically so sleep-deprived you forget to eat.
    My kids are great sleepers--now. I never, ever did any "cry it out" methods. My heart would crack into a thousand pieces when I heard my kids cry and I believed that was for a reason. That said, my second one didn't sleep until she was, like, five (not really. But it felt like it). When she was 6 weeks old, I held her up, Kunte Kinte-style, to my adoring hubs and sobbed, "Take. Her. Take her NOW!" And he did. And I slept. And we all felt much better.
    So my best mommy-advice is to hand Graham over to someone when you can so you can get some sleep. He will eventually find his rhythm. While I don't condone aiding and abetting babies in their worst habits, he is still really little. Just as you wouldn't expect him to use a toilet till he's older, I wouldn't expect him to sleep like an big-boy quite yet. My .2, although I might be hated-on for it.
    BTW, I have a 19-year old who no longer sleeps with me. ;)

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    1. My husband has thankfully been really helpful but he can really only do this for me on weekends since my troublesome times are all during working hours.

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  7. Also, because of severe puking issues with my second child, I, too went dairy-free.
    It was awful. I was the Dairy Queen. So again--I feel your pain. The good news? She grew out of it. And Graham most likely will, too.
    Now hand that baby over and go take a nap. ;)

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  8. I did it too. The nursing to sleep? And you know what? I'd do it again. I know, I know, it was a "sleep aid" or whatever the hell they called it. Where he needed it to fall asleep. I didn't care, cause he was asleep. And that was ALL that mattered. He eventually grew out of it as he got older and switched to solids. I still nursed him to sleep (in particular during the middle of the night feedings, he didn't sleep through the night until 13.5 months) if he needed it, otherwise he actually started sucking his thumb. Now he's a rampant thumbsucker (never could get him on the pacifier, though I tried!) and have been told by my pediatrician I don't need to worry about it being a problem until he's like 4. WOOO!

    Anyway! Yeah, we did need to do some sleep training. I refused to do it until I was done breastfeeding though, unless I knew for a fact he wasn't hungry. We had a few rough nights, crying for 2 hours, but... well. Here is where I'm a bit of a hippie. Don't do it until at LEAST 3 months, I'd wait until 6 though, to be completely honest. You know your kid though, you know what he can handle. Do what feels most comfortable to you.

    And MOST IMPORTANTLY. Someday, your kid will sleep through the night! This is all just a phase! So yeah, it sucks and you are tired and breastfeeding SUUUUUUUUCKS. But it's such a brief moment in time that he'll be so little and need you so much. While I greatly enjoy sleeping, I miss that bonding time I had with my baby. :)

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    1. Yeah I think I'm throwing in the towel on not breastfeeding. If it gets him to sleep I'll do it. I do wish there was a generally agreed upon age to start training.

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  9. Everything I've read and my life experience with my baby and others has indicated -- here I go with the caps -- NINE WEEKS IS TOO EARLY TO SLEEP TRAIN. YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. YOU HAVE NOT RUINED YOUR BABY'S SLEEP. (That does kind of feel good!)
    Sleep is one of those things, isn't it? It's so easy to feel bad about it and everybody has an opinion. I'm serious when I say that anyone that says their baby was "sleep-trained" at eight weeks is telling porkies (pork pies = lies). They probably just had one of those babies who did that by accident, although they may think they did it. I guess.
    I think four months is the minimum that's really effective (I'm pretty sure even Herr Ferber says that). Yes, it probably helps to put your baby down to fall asleep by himself. That said, we all just do what we gotta do.

    Since you asked, the "Ferber light" method can be found in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Mark Weissbluth. There is a graduated cry-it-out method in there. This book happened to work really well for me (at five months) and my son has been an awesome sleeper ever since (and he was terrible before that). That doesn't mean it will work for everyone. That doesn't mean it's the only right way. Please, if you do try it, seriously ignore anything in there that makes you feel bad. He's not too bad with the guilt, but the first few months are hard and one is sometimes sensitive.

    When my bestie was sleep-training his daughter, I called once and heard her screaming. He said: "From an evolutionary standpoint, this is about as natural as ignoring a roaring lion in your house." He is right; he was the primary caregiver and it was extremely difficult for him. If you need him to cry it out (like many of us do), hand him to your husband and leave the premises. At least for a while. Mine barely cried, but even a couple minutes might make you start pulling out your own hair. My husband handled it much better. Dr. Mark will assure you that you are not harming your baby, but your brain stem and milk ducts will disagree.

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    1. I'll rethink starting now. I do own HSHHB so will have to consult that book...

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  10. babies dont make their sleep associations until 4-6 months, so you cant successfully sleep train until then. annoying, huh? we started at 4.5 months and never looked back.

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    1. Good to know! I guess I have a couple more months to wait it out...

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  12. There, there, Mommy. It will get better. The first year is the hardest.
    I second the Healthy Sleep Happy Baby book. I used it with both my kids. It works but he doesn't recommend starting it until after 3 months.
    The nursing will get better as both of you get more practice (and he gets stronger). And the bottom line to remember: you don't get extra points for nursing until he's 18. No one cares how long you go. He's never going to be on a shrink's couch complaining that you didn't nurse him long enough. So, do what you can and don't stress.
    Telling a new mom not to stress is like telling a drowning person not to panic. I know that.
    Don't panic.
    Mommy/baby yoga sounds like torture. F**k that sh*t. Go mall walking instead. You'll get exercise, he'll sleep. And maybe you'll find a shirt that will camouflage the baby puke. Win/win.
    It will get better. You will sleep again. You're doing everything right. Breathe.

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    1. You know what ... The yoga class IS torture. Wtf was I thinking. Of course I bought a 5 class package and have 3 more to attend.

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  13. The best book a friend ever gave me has resulted in two good sleepers - "Babywise" by Gary Enzo et al. Go. Buy. It. :-) If you're not christian, don't panic - just ignore that aspect and read about how to gt them to happily go to sleep. If you are then you'll be even happier. Besides that, 9 weeks is young. Don't expect too much too soon! I totally understand about the dairy thing, my son used to get green diarrhea whenever I had too much dairy. Ugh. It should improve and well, breastfeeding doesn't usually last forever. Finally, breastfeeding should NOT hurt. If it still does, please find yourselve an expert to help you and the wee one learn how to latch on properly. Nothing worse than losing a beautiful bonding moment because all you can think about is the pain! Good luck and enjoy your little miracle!

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    1. Breastfeeding doesn't hurt until Graham decides to use the nipple as a pacifier and then it's like HOLY OUCH. So I'm just trying to keep him behaving on the boob. :) I'll look into Babywise!

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  14. Argh! *yourself

    PS There are these gel/silicon type breast covers that somehow adhere to your breasts that I wore at night - they seemed to keep any leakage in so I didn't wake up completely soaked! For the life of me, I can't remember what they were called but no doubt you'd find similar after a bit of Googling.

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    1. I used those! or washable pads...they rocked! Had much fewer accidents.... yeah!

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  15. I didn't do any sleep training until 4 or 5 months.

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  16. And I never liked breastfeeding either of my kids. THERE I SAID IT.

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    1. And before anyone tells me I was doing it wrong, I had lactation consultants with both babies and was told the babies had perfect mouths, I had perfect nipples, and we had a perfect latch. So for some of us, breastfeeding does indeed hurt. That whole "breastfeeding should never hurt" thing drives me nuts. For some of us, it just does.

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  17. I wonder if Graham would puke if you used heavy cream in your ice cream instead of milk/half&half. I use it because it's low-carb, but it might be worth a try since it has very little (or no? I forget) lactose in it. Happy to share my recipe if you want to try!

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    1. The pediatrician says it's milk protein that affects him, not lactose. :( So any milk-like products and cheese are a no go. The good news is he's supposed to outgrow it at some point, and also, I will DEFINITELY stop breastfeeding at some point, so there will be ice cream again in my future. Oh, there WILL.

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