Friday, November 15, 2013


What's that saying? If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. (The other day I saw Anne Lamott tweet this same saying, except she called God "her.")

Although, really, I never had a plan when it came to this birth. I'd been told repeatedly there was no way a regular birth was possible because the possibility of the placenta moving out of the way in time was infinitesimal. A c-section was scheduled and I assumed this was how we would proceed. At first I struggled with it, and then I accepted it. And then everything got flipped on its head.

Because yesterday, five days before my scheduled c-section, I had yet another ultrasound and the placenta has moved way the hell out of the way. Like WAY THE HELL out of the way. This may all sound silly to you but if you'd learned as much about placental migration and complete placenta previas as I have in the last five months, you'd be fucking shocked, too.

So: CHANGE OF PLANS. Imagine Bill O'Reilly saying this: We'll do it vaginally!

This is good news. My husband is elated. My family is stoked. My friends are happy. And I'm like ... I gotta turn this fuckin' boat around, man. I do not deal well with change, and this is a bit of a beast. I am 39 weeks pregnant and experiencing a range of emotions at this news.

For starters, I'm a little pissed off. Perhaps science is a bit of a double-edged sword, you know? Maybe nature knows what the hell she's doing most of the time and science needs to just back the hell off a little bit.

Then there's the fact that I have not prepared for a vaginal birth in any way. Not a single way. But FUCK IT. As Bill would say. My body is made to do this and it will get the job done.

Then there's the fear of birth thing. I'd feared the c-section, too, but vaginal birth is a whole other animal. Top fear = laboring and then needing a c-section anyway. I will cut someone if that happens. This is one of the main reasons I'm hiring a good friend to doula for me. I may not know what the hell is going on, but she will.

So yeah, while I might be a bit frustrated about the sudden change of plans, I am overall glad it's going to happen this way. Even with the ensured vaginal devastation. Recovery time is quicker and I don't have to worry about nerve damage or any other weird shit happening as a result of surgery. Most importantly, I should get to hold my kid as soon as he comes out. With the c-section, it would have been at least an hour. Breastfeeding should be a bit easier. I have a lot more control over what happens to everyone now that I'm doing it caveman style.

So when is this show gonna get on the road? Not soon, it seems. I am not dilated or effaced. The baby is not engaged. So, no idea. I was born at 43 weeks, believe it or not, and my mom had to be induced. My sister was born two weeks late. So if I'm like my mom, who the hell knows. My doctor said she won't let me go past 41 weeks, so I'm just hoping I won't need to be induced.

Anyway, since I'm fairly late in the pregnancy and have no idea when this could really happen, I thought I'd post some photos I've taken along the way showing the progression of the pregnancy. They were all taken in my bathroom (major selfie faux pas, I know). You can follow me on instagram to see any new photos I post, the user name is zeromusings.

20 weeks

22 weeks

24 weeks

26 weeks

 28 weeks

29 weeks

30 weeks

31 weeks 

 32 weeks

33 weeks

 34 weeks

35 weeks

 36 weeks

 38 weeks

39 weeks

Pregnancy is cute for a while, and then it's just grotesque, isn't it!?


  1. I actually woke up thinking about you, all, "this is the day!" But, guess not. Bah! Damn babies and setting their own schedules! Who do they think they are?

    And, no. I wouldn't say grotesque. Weird, yes (even though, yes, it's natural, blah blah blah - it is weird that we grow such large humans inside our belies). But honestly, you look terrific.

    1. It's SO WEIRD. But thank you. :) Still, I will be so happy when I'm not carting around all this excess fluid/tissue.

  2. oh wow! im thinking you were right when you put a top hat on your placenta and had him singing show tunes. im rooting for you!

  3. It's not grotesque! It's woooooonderful! You have that perfect round baby belly that I'm dying to photograph. All of my friends keep having girls and grow wide instead of round.

    "We'll do it vaginally!" is the best.