So there's something that's been on my mind, to say the least. I haven't shared it here because I was hoping the situation would resolve itself and it would no longer be an issue. But the time has come to just spit it out.
I've got placenta previa. Most people I've told this to are like: WTF is that? What it is is when the placenta covers the opening to the cervix. This presents a challenge during birth because ain't nothin' supposed to be blocking the baby's entrance to the outside world. There could be bleeding, everyone could die, blah blah blah. For the last 12 weeks I haven't been allowed to travel, lift heavy stuff, do anything strenuous, have sex -- you get the picture.
The solution is a cesarean.
For people who know what placenta previas are -- at 20 weeks mine was a complete previa, which is the most serious kind (OF COURSE). Most other types of previas resolve themselves by the end of the pregnancy and the lady can go ahead and push that kid out of her sore bits. I'd been told mine was unlikely to resolve, and yesterday we found out that was the case. It's moved enough to now be considered a partial previa, but it's still blocking the cervix. The doctor wants to schedule the c-section for 37 weeks, which OMG BABY IN 30 DAYS.
It has to be 37 weeks to avoid me going into labor or dilating at all, which can cause major bleeding, which equals emergency situation.
We'll check again at 36 weeks to see if that bitchy previa has moved -- it needs to be at least 2 centimeters away from the cervix -- and obviously if not we'll proceed with the c-section and if so, I'll do this shit vaginally.
You may wonder what causes placenta previa. No one knows for certain, but risk factors seem to be:
Being old - check!
Having a funny-shaped uterus - check!
Having miscarriages - check!
It's almost funny.
I have trouble pinpointing exactly how I feel about this whole thing. For starters, I never should have expected an uncomplicated pregnancy. Getting pregnant was anything but, so that should have been a clue. When I learned about the previa, I was really disappointed, and I have to admit I still kind of am. Women are supposed to labor and give birth to their babies, not schedule an appointment, get numbed up and have them sliced out in like 15 minutes. I feel cheated of the birth experience, and I really feel like I'm cheating. Like I didn't put in a full effort if I didn't feel all the pain.
I mean, either way birth is terrifying, but I just wanted to be a normal lady having a normal birth. I know. Boohoo, poor me, what about all the ladies who'd like to just have a baby and can't? I should suck it up.
And truly, when it comes down to it, all I want is this hard-won baby out of me and in my arms. I'd love the nightmares about hemorrhaging to end. I'd love for my vagina to someday not be a no-fly zone. And I'd love to stop worrying that something beyond my control is going to hurt my kid (although I certainly realize the worrying has only just begun).