Tuesday, October 29, 2013

reprieve

Well. For its next trick, my placenta is going to put on a top hat and sing "There's No Business Like Show Business."

The thing moved again! I mean, not enough for regular birth, but enough that the danger of a bleed is way less likely and I get to wait a couple more weeks before I go under the knife. I never would have guessed I'd be so ecstatic to hear someone tell me I can have a c-section at 39 weeks, but it was truly welcome news. 37 weeks just seemed so early, and would have required steroid shots. Now the kid gets another two weeks to bake in the belly and enjoy all the spicy food I've been eating while he kicks me in the vagina.

I'm guessing he's going to be sort of enormous? I already know his head is going to be large -- it's two weeks ahead of his gestational age. Which is pretty much what we expected, since my husband and I are both Big Heads and come from families of Big Headed People. He may be long/tall, too -- I'm 5'9", my husband's 6'1", his dad's 6'4". Still, the ultrasound technician guessed he weighs about six pounds right now.

We finished our childbirth education class and didn't make any lifelong friends. Maybe later after we have our babies and need other humans to make us feel normal we can reunite. We have each other's email addresses. And we finished our final class of all -- the Newborn Class -- last night. It mostly consisted of the instructor holding up photos of defective-looking infants and telling us it was all normal and not to worry if our kids come out with pointy heads and black spots on their butts. Good to know. I, of course, am already a swaddling and diapering whiz, having conquered many of my niece's blowout diapers and wrestled her into nearly unbeatable swaddles (somehow they always break out). My husband was looking quite proud of his diapering abilities when I informed him he'd put it on backwards.

One of the ladies in last night's class remarked how strangers seem to believe no question is too personal when it comes to our pregnancies, and I have found this to be more and more true as I get larger and larger. Most of what I encounter is people giving me those large eyeball looks like: Girl, I hope your water doesn't break right now. My funniest encounter yet was with a cashier at the grocery store last week who told me I looked like I was going to have a large baby (aka I look large??). Then she told me that with her last pregnancy she only gained 13 pounds and no one could even tell she was pregnant. HAHAHAHA. I said: Well I've definitely gained more than 13 pounds. My husband helpfully noticed that my face had turned bright red and I was like: Yes. That woman just told me she thinks I'm fat.

In other baby news, we've chosen our pediatrician. She seems very kind and crunchy-granola and she has a cool South African accent. She's OK with delayed vaccines, which I plan to enforce. Dang, vaccines are one of those touchy subjects -- when I briefly mentioned delaying vaccines in our childbirth class, everyone looked at me like I was insane. I bet if I'd been in a Bradley class they'd all have nodded sagely. I'm gonna vaccinate the kid for goodness sake, just not at the aggressive rate suggested by some dumb government agency I don't trust.

Top pregnancy gripes right now are the lack of sleep, still, and now a new one -- carpal tunnel. Thankfully it's not super painful, and it's mostly just in my right hand, which feels a bit numb and tingly. Heartburn and indigestion are pretty much 24-hour occurrences, as is being out of breath. I look like I just ran around the block when all I did was put on socks and shoes. I also have a wicked case of T.O.P. (tired of pregnancy, as our childbirth educator explained) and sometimes it makes me mighty ragey. Also, I think my nose is bigger? Good stuff. Really, really looking forward to not being an extra-large bag of body fluid in a few weeks.


11 comments:

  1. I very often wanted to smack people the farther I got into pregnancy. Smack em REAL HARD. I swear, people have no filters when it comes to pregnant women.

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  2. I really can't understand that crap. Do people think it might be of interest to you? Are they bragging, and just chose the worst audience ever for it? What is the purpose? I had people say that kind of stuff all the time... I gained 32 pounds, which is about normal, but my torso is short and I did not look like I was smuggling watermelons (chub everywhere). What makes someone look at you and think it's okay to start talking about their superior fitness regime/their appearance on a pregnancy magazine/the fact that all their weight just fell off and they left the hospital in their pre-pregnancy jeans (that last one was the WORST. Why did you even bring them to the hospital)? I gained weight breastfeeding, because of the psychotic animal cravings, and I heard all about everyone's magical nursing weight loss during that time, too.

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    1. Truly bizarre. And seriously, bringing pre-pregnancy clothing to the hospital? Makes me want to smack a bitch. Another of my favorites is people constantly telling me to "just wait" to see how "bad" it's going to be after the baby is here. It disrespects the entire process I've undergone to get to this point, besides being a completely discouraging thing to say to a pregnant woman who's just looking forward to not being pregnant and meeting her kid. Is there nothing anyone can say to pregnant women to encourage them?

      I'm a little nervous about the breastfeeding months, too. I've heard about the crazy hunger, which I've never done well with. Yikes.

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    2. You know what else? They don't know what they are talking about. Sometimes people are depressed, sure, and that sucks. Baby blues make most of us teary for a couple days. But a lot of people *don't* have that, and if you know it will be hard, your expectations are set just right. I did not have a difficult time postpartum at all, even though I was at risk for PPD. My husband teased me that I was suffering postpartum euphoria (partly just because I wasn't pregnant). These a-holes miss the point, anyway. You will have the privilege of falling explosively and violently in love with your son. Sleep deprivation is temporary. I have had a blast, and I have every confidence that you will too. So there on those mean cows.
      As far as the breastfeeding, consider reading _The Girlfriend's Guide to the First Year_, as it will make you laugh and be helpful. Keep a jug of water by where you nurse. I had worse cravings than most, so you may not have them at all.

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  3. There's vagina-kicking? I thought it was all in the belly. I'm suddenly somewhat more interested in trying this out.

    I also think I have T.O.P., but it turns out I'm just fat.

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    1. You're interested in trying out solely for the vagina-kicking? LOL ...
      I have simultaneous T.O.F. - tired of fat, of course -- and am hoping breast feeding is that magic fat eraser so many people claim it is.

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  4. im so happy it moved a little so you can go to 39 weeks! you can get more things done, but wow, what a crazy feeling knowing what day your little one will be born! i hope you let us know when about that is so i can start thinking of you during that time :) baby watch, if you will.

    p.s. i had "baby blues" for longer than two weeks, which they tell you is the normal time, and if it goes past two weeks, its probably PPD. well it wasnt, it was just baby blues but i was all freaked out because of "what i read"...

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    1. It'll be pretty much exactly two weeks from now. :)

      There's so much conflicting information out there about all aspects of pregnancy, delivery, and post-partum! Thank you for mentioning that -- I can see myself worrying about the same thing.

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  5. so happy it moved at you can go to 39 weeks! is that soon? i want to think of you about that time. good thoughts for baby watch :)

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  6. Oh, my -- I try to make it a point to tell pregnant women something good when I see them. It seems that the person standing in line behind one at Safeway feels it's their right to question about hemorrhoids, or worse--tell you about theirs. Good times.
    I'm excited and happy for you. Motherhood is more awesome than you can imagine in your wildest dreams and you will love it. I agree with Holly--you can read and inform yourself all you want, but guidelines are just that, and your mileage may vary. With everything. :) Blessings on you and yours during the most special time of your lives. <3

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