Friday, September 06, 2013

Week 29

As I get closer to the end of pregnancy, time has sped up. I am certain the clock is moving at least three times faster than it normally does.

It's around this time they tell you to start counting your baby's kicks. I think I should just count when the kid is not kicking. He kicks so much, and so vigorously, it feels like he wants out. Like he's going to try to claw his way out pretty soon. Sometimes it hurts. I'm tempted to ask my doctor if this is normal but I am pretty sure she will just look at me like: Girrrrrrl. Do you even know what you've gotten yourself into?

The baby is the size of an acorn squash, "they" say. Which is silly. He's somewhere between 15 and 17 inches long, which explains why sometimes two sides of my stomach will jut out at the same time. Stretch marks began showing up a couple weeks ago and I know I'm in for wayyy more. There is no going back after childbirth for the women in my family. The last time I wore a bikini was on my honeymoon, and I expect that was the last time my midriff was ever to see the light of day.

The baby still has no name. We have a fluctuating list of names we think we like, which we are not sharing. People always seem surprised: You really haven't picked a name? No. We haven't. You should see me trying to pick a color of carpet for the family room. Even once I choose one, I will be mostly certain I've chosen the wrong color and will regret it forever. This is just how I work. So you might imagine the responsibility of choosing a name for a human being who has to live with it for his whole life is a bit daunting.

Have I mentioned the pain in my butt lately? Like, really it's probably considered lower back pain, and it's only on the left side. Occasionally it feels like I'm being stabbed in the butt cheek. My acupuncturist set me up in this crazy pregnant-lady-pillow/contraption and then jabbed the area with two fingers and it was like oh yes, burning icy fire in my veins. She says it's happening because my hips are stretching out in preparation form childbirth.

So yeah. Eventually this kid is going to be outside of the womb. One way or another. Birthing classes start in a couple weeks and I expect that is when true terror begins.

Don't you love how whenever a blogger gets pregnant it's as though no one has ever been pregnant or experienced similar things before? Ha.

9 comments:

  1. Two words: prenatal massage. Find a place with a special table for pregnant women JUST so you can have the luxury of laying on your stomach for 40 minutes. It. Is. AMAZING. And you'll feel so much better. It was the one thing I splurged on during both pregnancies and oh man ... I STILL feel relaxed when I think back on them. :)

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    1. It's on my list. I'm just waiting for my back to get even worse. Hahahahh....

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  2. Dude. Everything you're experiencing is absolutely normal and completely friggin' weird. Being pregnant is like carrying Kuato around for 10 months. (Total Recall movie reference FTW!) At some point, you just KNOW that head's gonna come out of your stomach and start talking and bossing you around. Pregnancy is not hearts and flowers - it's gassy and achy and burpy and sometimes there's pee involved. And that's before the baby comes out. Keep blogging it! I love reading it and remembering why we've closed up shop after two. Huzzah!

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    1. Kuato!! Good one. Yes, these women who have beatific pregnancies really boggle my mind.

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  3. As much as I loved being pregnant, I am reminded of the ... not so cute side. I remember the emotions (what is so wrong about throwing something across the room in a fit of pique, anyway? Followed by buckets-of-tears-and-snot crying? Pssht), and the physical stuffs.
    It's difficult to believe the moods, the snoring, the heartburn and barely making it to the potty before you wet yourself (and wearing a little just-in-case pad) will eventually be forgotten because all that went to produce the world's most perfect baby, but it's true. :)

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    1. Oh, I'd forgotten to mention the snoring! That's a new one for me. I'm constantly snorting myself awake now. Sexytimes.

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  4. If you haven't seen Prometheus, now would be a great time for that. Maybe that baby IS trying to get out, one way or another.

    For the record, all of this stuff is totally new to me, and since I'll never, ever, EVER experience it for myself, I'm 100% in it with you.

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    1. Hahhaahhahaha.... I've seen Prometheus and yeah. That was the best part of that whole dumb movie.

      Thanks for the solidarity, man. :)

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