Thursday, September 05, 2013

Sleep while you still can

A request to people who tell pregnant women to sleep while they still can:

Shhhhhhh. No more talky talky.

There is no sleep for pregnant women. It just. Won't. ... Stick.

This lack of sleep thing is probably largely to blame for pregnancy brain. Also, the phenomenon that begins during the third trimester during which you drop everything you pick up, so that you must then bend down to get it.

Yesterday I'd dropped nearly everything in the house until, as a grand finale, I dropped a glass bowl full of salad dressing and it broke into a gazillion pieces. Oh, bravo!!

That is one of those things I would have an assistant clean up, pronto. One of my two assistants, who live in my brain. They're going to help me get evvvverything ready before the baby comes. HAHAHAHAHHAAH.... Yes. It's totally all going to work out just fine. Me and my assistants have this handled.

Goodnight.

13 comments:

  1. I find that sort of thing obnoxious. I mean, I get it if you're just trying to find something to say other than, "You're going to have a baby!" But all of the "you don't know what you're in for" and "just wait until .." stuff is helpful to exactly no one.

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    1. Word. I mean, I'll be 35 next month. I done heard my share of horror stories. I have an inkling of what this is all about. I'm not saying it's going to be easy or I'll be a pro, but lay off all the dire warnings, you know?

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    2. People also generally know about what their baby/babies were like, and maybe some about their close friends' babies. They haven't met yours. Some babies are dreamy and lovely and sleep a long time and are easy. Some are difficult. Why would it help to know if yours is the latter? It doesn't. When I was 37 weeks pregnant, I was riding up the elevator with a pediatrician who worked on the same floor as my OB. I had been on the stupid receiving end of this kind of crap ("Go out now, you won't be able to for years!") and felt like crap anyway. He said: "Is this your first?" Yes. Then: "Well, you'll never have more fun in your life." He was right.

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    3. See, that's a nice thing to say to a pregnant lady!

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  2. people are weird. also, jonas slept thru the night at 8 weeks, so its not like you have to suffer thaaat long.

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    1. May my baby be as good a sleeper as Jonas!!

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  3. Just wait until you have complete strangers coming up and demanding if you are breastfeeding or not! That's great. Super fun. I wanted to punch so many people in the face, omfg.

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    1. Now that you've mentioned it, I will have to prepare myself! People get really nuts with the breastfeeding, don't they? Frankly, it's none of my damn business how anyone chooses to feed their child.

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  4. You know why they tell you that? Because it gets so crazy AFTER the kid is born that they forget that they were also sleep deprived before the kid was born too -- because they couldn't get comfortable. That's my theory at least.

    Also? Feel free to tell people to mind their own beeswax. Hi, Old woman in the grocery store, why NO, I'm not going to tell you if I'm going to breastfeed and if you touch my stomach without permission, I can't guarantee you'll get that hand back.

    PEOPLE. Sheesh.

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    1. I used to suggest to my doula clients that if someone puts a hand on their stomach without permission, they should do the exact same thing to them without comment. I didn't have the patience for that, as I was too busy leaping away from them.

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    2. @ monkey momma - thankfully no strangers have tried to touch the belly. They would have drawn back a bloody stump.

      @ kris - that would be HILARIOUS. If only I had the balls to do something like that!!

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  5. One of my other pregnant blogfriends wrote just today about not sleeping. And about not being able to pick things up. And about wanting to get up in the middle of the night and pack her hospital bag but knowing she would drop everything and wake her husband up. She can't eat salad dressing because everything is making her nauseated right now, though, so at least you have that?

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    1. Oh man, I thank my lucky stars I'm not nauseated any more. It really could be a lot worse than it is!!

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