A few pregnancy-related things. I know. I am really a one-trick pony these days.
- I got a belly bandit to hold up my girth. Carrying the belly around has begun to feel uncomfortable at times, so this weight-belt-looking thing is supposed to help with that. Of course, it looks like I'm wearing a weight belt under my clothes, so that's the tradeoff.
- Oils and lotions and potions, oh my! I've been lotioning my stomach for several months (it puts the lotion on the stomach or it gets the stretch marks again ... Oh, wait. It gets the stretch marks anyway). It helps with the itching, but it's true what they say: You can put whatever the hell you want on your skin; if you are predestined to get stretch marks (I am), one day they're just gonna pop out with jazz hands like Hello Dolly!
- FYI my favorite is Jason Vitamin E oil. Smells nice and feels like it's actually doing something, even if it's not.
- I figured out there's a delicate balance that needs to happen if I'm to avoid majorly swollen feet. 1) Drink like 12 pint glasses of water a day. 2) Go on a 20 minute walk. 3) Don't sit for too long and if you do, put your feet up. 4) Take a nap. 5) Avoid eating too much salt.
- So I have a question about pubic hair. Maybe that should have been the title of this post, just to grab your attention. My question is: How concerned are we about pubic hair when it comes to giving birth? And what are we doing about it? Going for a wax? Shaving? And if we are going for a wax, is that, like, kosher in the third trimester?
- So apparently kegels are scientifically proven to be pretty important when it comes to making sure I don't pee my pants every time I sneeze after giving birth. So I guess I need to get on that. Am I the only one who gets winded after doing 15 kegels? Also, I think I'm supposed to be doing like 200 of these a day. Hahahahaha....
- Someone please explain when I can drink alcohol after I have the kid, since I'll be (attempting) breastfeeding. You can drink while you're breastfeeding or immediately after, yes? And all is fine? I mean, not binge drinking but just a glass of wine. Do not say "pump and dump": I don't believe in it.
- That thing where you have to pee so bad and then you go and it's like a tiny trickle forrrrreeeevvvveeerrrrrr. Good times.
- Oh and I snore now. Hella sexxay!