Monday, July 15, 2013

I already know everything I need to know about 'Sharknado'

I mean, really. A tornado of sharks. I think Tara Reid is in it. That is all I need to know. Which is to say: I do not need to watch that movie. I have about an hour's worth of brain power dedicated to that sort of drivel per week, and I've already dedicated that time to The Real Housewives of Orange County.

But I have been watching all sorts of other stuff. So let's talk about those things.

  • Hemlock Grove. This is the werewolf show on Netflix. So I broke down and watched this in a moment of there's-nothing-on despair. It has some of the worst writing and acting I've seen in a while. The storyline and dialog are nearly nonsensical in stretches. And yet I watched the entire thing, and the dumb show has been renewed. And I will probably watch the next season. Because I am dumb. 
  • Orange Is The New Black. Another Netflix show that came out recently -- this one's about a privileged white woman who goes to prison for something dumb she did 10 years prior. At first I didn't love it, but it's grown on me, particularly since I discovered that it's based on a true story. Nothing in the world will ever make me love Jason Biggs, but his on-screen time is minimal, so. 
  • Siberia. I watched the first episode of this show without knowing anything about it. So I don't really want to say anything about it to you. I will say I am sorrrrt of still liking it, but nothing can top the surprise of the first episode for me. Is anybody watching this? Bueller? 
  • Whodunnit. This is like the reality show version of the game Clue. I am enjoying it because I'm a nerd, but my husband hates it. I think the women who cry when it comes time to see who's "scared" and who's "spared" are majorly stupid. I'd like the show more if the clues were more readily apparent to the viewing audience.
  • The Bridge. This is a murder mystery show on FX. We've only seen the pilot of this and I think it's going to be pretty good. The detective with Asperger's is a little irritating but I'm hoping her character develops a bit more throughout. 

Now, movie time!

  • This Is The End.  This is the movie with a whole bunch of famous comedians, plus James Franco. The Apocalypse begins during a party at Franco's house. The movie had the potential to be funny, but it was 1) boring 2) major boy humor, and not the funny kind 3) just seemed very poorly written/developed, as though these dumbasses had gotten together and written it while they were smoking dope, which they probably did. It was only marginally better than Grown Ups, and that movie was frigging awful. What I cannot understand is all the good ratings. It has an 84% on Rotten Tomatoes, which I shall never trust again. 
  • The Watch. We caught this on Netflix. It has Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, and Jonah Hill and is about a neighborhood watch group that sprouts up as a result of an alien invasion. It's stupid, but nowhere near as stupid as This Is The End. The Watch may be earning extra points since I didn't pay $12 to see it, but seriously, it is way better than TITE
I hear The Heat is really funny and I'd like to see that. Although I dread disappointment, a la Bridesmaids, which I'm afraid I didn't love the way your average gal does. However, I do love a movie with funny female leads for a change, and Bridesmaids was asstons better than horrifically awful Bachelorette, with Kirsten Dunst as the hugest bitch ever. (And BTW we got about a third of the way into The Hangover Part II before we turned it off, and we really only turn off the really, really bad movies. Will not be trying out The Hangover Part III, but congrats to that group for milking that crap for every cent.)

What are you watching? Nothing? You don't own a TV? Ok then, shhhhh.


  1. I've been watching Whodunnit too! It's fun, but yes, annoying in some ways. We rented The Watch a few months back and thought it was much funnier than we expected it to be (we did have fairly low expectations, however). Have not seen the others yet, but thanks for the heads up about This is the End. :)

    1. I think low expectations is key when watching The Watch. Maybe that was where I went wrong with This is The End.

  2. Oh, and seriously, "sharknado"??!! I saw that listed and thought WTF?? Leave it to the "syfy" channel to come up with this crap. Seriously.