Friday, July 12, 2013

circus tents ftw

Oh. So it turns out there is something worse than shopping for plus sized clothes.

Shopping for maternity clothes! Unless you're REALLY into horizontal stripes! In which case, holy fuck this is really your time, my friend.

After several failed attempts to find just regular, normal-looking clothes that don't say "baby bump!" or "boy on board" and aren't littered with weird designs and the aforementioned horrific number of horizontal stripes -- I went shopping! To the mall. Me and my cankles are mighty swollen and angry now.

So listen. A store dedicated strictly to maternity clothing ought to carry normal clothes that are just larger in the belly area. I'll even allow the side-ruching. Ruche away!

But unfortunately, the store I went to today 1) was really small,  2) had mostly shirts with horizontal stripes 3) the remainder of the shirts had those horrible string-ties you're supposed to tie above your belly but I hate them because, hello, they're frigging ugly 4) seemed to believe that being pregnant meant suddenly you have an intense desire to travel back in time to 1983 and wear crocheted stuff, lace, and copious amounts of polyester 5) employed a sales person who tried to convince me to buy a hideous crocheted tunic and a nightgown, which she then explained would be for the hospital after my son tears out of my vagazzle and I need to be wearing diapers or something. According to this 20-year-old, who has a kid, and made sure I knew it.

(It's never going to be OK for strangers to approach me in public and discuss my vagina with me, especially when it comes to the havoc that shall be wreaked upon said vagina when all is said and done. I know it. I don't need a reminder. THANKS.)

(And actually, the sales chick asked me if she could help me find something, so I said I was looking for "a nice shirt." She didn't even pretend there was such a thing as a nice shirt in that store, and instead pointed me toward the aforementioned crocheted nightmare.)

It was a disappointing experience, after striking out at a few other department stores with "maternity sections" that consist of two racks of shitty clothes immediately adjacent to the 3X clothes. I don't want to wear a tent, dudes. I want to wear something cute that's meant for pregnant ladies.

So yeah. The workaround is, as my twitter friends advise: bang your head on the nearest wall; buy basics and wear the shit out of them; wear regular maxi dresses; deal with it.  

I'mma deal with it. I have my handful of basics and a couple maxi dresses, and that's pretty much how it's going to be for the next several months.

*cankles out*


P.S. I didn't even get into A Pea in the Pod, which ... I mean. $200 for a maxi dress I'll wear for a few months? No.



16 comments:

  1. I feel your pain here. I had similar problems with baby clothes; why is it is hard to just find a plain shirt, without "I love Mommy!" or "Daddy's Little Monster!" on it? Of course, if you want to pay the Gap for that privilege, you can do so to the tune of $18.00 for one shirt. All of my son's clothes have come from consignment stores.
    On that note, I'll get to my point, which is that the best place I found for maternity clothes was Value Village. I got 90% of them there. For some reason, that was the place for regular t-shirts and jeans.

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    1. I should totally hit up the consignment stores ...

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  2. I still wear Target's maternity t-shirts.

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    1. I can see myself doing the same. :)

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  3. I bought a lot of my stuff at Target. Also try joining some local Facebook groups. Search for "YourTown Upcycle" "YourTown Freecycle" or YourTown + Mom's/Maternity/MOPS/Buy Sell Trade. And don't forget "YourCounty + those keywords" I belong to about 8 of these kind of groups and just lurk until something good pops up. Maybe also Craigslist? I think there are also Upcycle or Freecycle websites...

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    1. For some reason my local Targets have really scarce maternity sections. Good tip on the Facebook groups, though!

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  4. ehhhhh plus and pregnant is loads of fun. I had a hell of a time finding anything i could wear without looking like just a super fat woman. Ruche was NOT my friend...I basically lived in my maternity yoga pants from Kohls and tops i bought in the regular plus size section. I just had a huge assortment of tanks available to wear underneath, which is good because breast feeding means I wear a tank top under everything. Only twiggy girls get to look fashionable AND pregnant.

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    1. Word to that -- I am definitely not of the "swallowed a basketball" sort of pregnant woman.

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  5. 1. Vagazzle. love.
    2. Target really IS good at maternity clothes. Kohl's not so much, very little selection. Motherhood is where I got most of my stuff, horizontal stripes and all. I did not succumb to the crocheted bizness though.

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    1. I found a tank top and a T shirt at Target the other day, but aside from that there were a few maxi dresses I hated and not much else. I think the section used to be bigger!

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  6. Again, so glad you're figuring out all this shit for me.

    That said, is there an H&M where you live? They have cheap clothes and I actually liked some of their maternity stuff - you just have to dig past the insane things (ACID WASH YAY!).

    And yeah, the Target where I live seems to have a huge maternity section, too, but maybe that's a South Carolina deal?

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    1. We do have H&M and I didn't realize they have a maternity section. Will have to check it out if I decide to brave the mall again. And yeah, my local Targets suck for this stuff.

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    2. Yeah, I went to H&M with a 22-year old and she came up to me with this pair of pants and was like "look at these! They have this super comfy panel at the top that your shirts cover! Isn't that amazing?" and I was all "guuuuurl those are maternity pants." It was cute and sad.

      I mean, I don't know if that's your style, but they do have some decent basic kind of stuff.

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  7. Old Navy isn't horrible, Target is decent, and I found a Motherhood (in Walnut Creek of course) that was bigger than a shoebox and bought a TON of tank tops and short-sleeved shirts with no stripes, thankyouverymuch.

    I still wear some of the tank tops, they're just "extra long" now. ;)

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    1. I did end up just buying several t shirts from Motherhood. I got skunked by Old Navy and Target, though. It's sort of depressing but I'll manage. :)

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    2. They're hit and miss. And the sizing is wonky. Old Navy sizing is ginormous, so try stuff a size smaller than normal. Can't remember Target (maybe its smaller? It's been awhile.)

      I mostly lived in the flowy jersey knit dresses, maternity jeans/yoga pants, and t-shirts and tanks.

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