Tuesday, February 26, 2013

The Bachelor, Episode 10: The Fantasy Suite Dates

Things are finally getting a tiny bit less boring! Although my husband would disagree -- he abandoned ship about an hour in, and this was watching it pre-recorded and having skipped through the first 10 minutes of "let's lie in a hammock and reminisce about those long-ago dates of four weeks ago when I first met these women."

I have no patience for that B.S.

We start out on Lindsay's date. They're in Thailand. She's told Sean she's up for anything, except for eating bugs. So of course to continue his trend of embarking on the Worst Dates Ever, he makes her eat multiple bugs and then chicken feet and stuff. 


This is what loss of dignity looks like. 

They continue on the date and Sean is like: "You're open to moving to Dallas, right?" And she's like, Yes!

Why does it have to be the girl who moves and not Sean?

Basically he is looking for a woman to be exactly who he wants them to be, do what he wants them to do, where and when he says they should do it. If Lindsay hadn't eaten the bugs? Nuh-uh. She'd be outta there like the time Selma refused to jump in the frozen lake. He doesn't want an independent woman who is aware of her own boundaries. Which really sucks.

Lindsay spends the whole day hemming and hawing about when she was going to tell him she loves him and then she does and yawwwwwwwwwwn. They spend the evening in the Fantasy Suite.

***********

Now for Ashley's date, or as we like to call it: Sloppy Seconds.

Sean is heard saying he is falling in love with both Ashley and Lindsay. Interesting.

It's another terrifying date, with Ashley clinging to Sean as he swims them through a cave to a secluded beach, which actually? Looked really freaking awesome. Ashley says "I don't do caves," but apparently she does do caves, because lookie there. She just did it. Because Sean wanted her to.

She is worried about the fantasy suite and says she doesn't want to spend the night with him if he's gonna be boinking the other girls, too. Sean is like: "What I would love is to stay up with her all night, just talking." And I'm like, Girl, you are 32. Try before you buy, mkay?


She agrees to the fantasy suite, but I'm sure they just stay up and brush each other's hair and stuff.

Although Ashley does makes the enormous mistake of telling Sean what kind of engagement ring she wants. We all know Sean is the boss and will decide what kind of ring she gets. And also? It really did seem tacky for her to say that.

***********

Now for Catherine.

I'm not sure if it's the editing, but everything he says about Catherine makes it sound like she's the low man on the totem pole. Except then he totally eats her face off.

I mean, there is wayyy more tongue on Catherine's dates.


I mean. There is major sexual chemistry. But maybe it's Arie's curse.*

Then later, he seems to have changed his tune and he's like: "I just feel like Catherine gets me better than anyone else."

She is concerned about still being viewed as "a lady" if she accepts the invitation to the fantasy suite, and Sean gives her the whole "We're just gonna stay up and talk all night" song and dance, so then they go make out in the hot tub.

I am still really loving Catherine, you guys. Especially since she says she used to be made fun of for being chubby. And then Sean says "I'm the lucky one," and my cold black heart thumped a little.

Still, as far as I know, she has not said she loves him. Which is really OK because they've only known each other for a hot minute.

************

On the day of the rose ceremony, Sean says he woke up knowing who to eliminate. I feel certain it's got to be Ashley, and so does Sean, apparently. At the start of the ceremony, Catherine looks SO confident. I'm wondering if she knows she's the one he's gonna pick at the end.

Still, he chooses Lindsay first, then Catherine, and then Ashley is not happy.

 Catherine: "She didn't say goodbye to us." 
Lindsay: "She looks PISSED."


 Ashley's like: I got it from here, peace out. 
But Sean's like: Can I at least explain myself please?


 And then he's like: I thought it was you from the very beginning. 
And she gives him this stone-cold death stare. Like a boss. 
She doesn't say a word, just gets in the car and leaves. 

BAM.

I just want to remind everyone that if he chooses Catherine, I am two for two, since I chose Jef last season. Not that I am one for gloating.

Next week is the Women Tell All, when everyone gets to make Tierra cry. Yay!


*Which, by the way, if he picks Lindsay at the end, Lindsay is gonna be hella pissed about all the tongue on Catherine's dates, right?

Episode 9 was Sean's bullshit "tell-all"
Episode 8 recap: Hometown Dates
Episode 7 recap: YOU CAN'T TAKE MY SPARKLE
Episode 6 recap: You're gonna wife that?  
Episode 5 recap: If I could be someplace else ...

1 comment:

  1. i bet ashlee feels dumb for mentioning her ring requests now! doh!

    ReplyDelete