Seriously. Ask my dad. Hell hath no fury like three women with premenstrual syndrome.
Ok, this week they are in St. Croix.
Tierra immediately pisses everyone off by dragging a pull-out bed into the living room, rather than sharing a room with another girl.
Maybe she farts in her sleep?
Date 1 is with Ashlee. Tierra goes for strike two by singing, "The Cougar is Back in Town!" Later in an interview she says "Why hasn't she found someone she can settle down with? I mean, you're 32 years old!" She goes on to say she hopes by the time she's 32, she's married and has kids.
Oh, my dear Tierra. Sometimes life has other plans for you. Now Shut. The Eff. Up.
Ashlee and Sean take a catamaran to a private island, where Ashlee tells Sean about what a "pouty pants" Tierra is. He seems to be starting to understand, now.
And they do this. And she tells him she got married when she was 17, which is weird.
And that she loves him.
My husband thinks it's Ashlee For The Win, but I'm still sticking with Catherine, dammit!
The girls sit around in their bikinis and bitch about Tierra....
... who is out on her first 1-on-1 with Sean, even though she's unhappy because there are bugs and she's sweaty and walking around St. Croix is "not fun or cool." I don't even know.
Sean admits to her that her drama with the girls has hurt their relationship.
Sean is not done trying to plan The Worst Date Ever, so for the group date he shows up at oh-dark-thirty to wake up the girls. Since he's interested in seeing what they look like without their makeup, he snaps polaroids of them. This is grounds for face-punches in my house.
Although there was this? So.
Because this picture is so jacked I'm not sure if this is Lindsay or Desiree. But Lindsay gets the date rose, and I begin to wonder if she's some kind of dark horse I should have had my eye on earlier.
And then Catherine says her dad tried to kill himself in front of her?
Ok, remember the story about the girl who got killed by the tree and how that, like, changed her life?
I am just confused.
I mean, they're both awful, but I would think the dad thing would be more impactful.
Anyway, they're a cute couple, I think.
Then Sean's sister shows up! Hallelujah!
She's like: Remember what they told you? Don't pick the girl no one likes.
Ah, sweet words of wisdom.
Meanwhile, Tierra is having a hissy fit because Ashlee told Sean she's a pouty pants. And Ashlee's like: You wanna get nitty gritty, let's get nitty gritty honey.
And Tierra is like: Girls are jealous. Men love me.
And Ashlee is like: Even your parents thought you shouldn't come here.
And Tierra is like: NO. THEY SAID TIERRA, YOU HAVE A SPARKLE. DO NOT LET THOSE GIRLS TAKE YOUR SPARKLE AWAY.
All instantly becomes clear.
This, my friends, is what happens when both teams win. Someone needs to lose. Humans need to learn loss and disappointment, otherwise this is what happens. You end up with a couple of parents who have a 24-year-old grown-ass child who is a perfect Sparkle Princess.
So Sean wants Tierra to meet his sister so she can deduce whether the woman is evil.
But he walks in and she's crying. So he's like: Crazy ass ho! Get to another area code!
But really, he sent her on her way.
YOU CAN'T TAKE MY SPARRRRRRRRRRRRKLE!
And then Sean is pissed so he cancels the cocktail party and gets rid of Lesley...
Which is really upsetting to Catherine? She says it's because Sean and Lesley have so much in common and if he doesn't like Lesley, what does he see in her? I am confused again.
By the way, is this the issue with Desiree I've been waiting for? It seemed like her ex boyfriend was going to show up but maybe it's just her brother?
Episode 6 recap: You're gonna wife that? Episode 5 recap: If I could be someplace else ...