Wednesday, February 06, 2013

The Bachelor, Ep. 6: You're gonna wife that?

All right, wham, bam, let's get this done.

The group goes to Banff, in Canada. I've been there and it's stunning. The video in this show doesn't do it justice.

Anyway, Sean is continuing to try to one-up himself in the Worst Date Ever category, so we begin with ....

Date in a Blizzard! What could be better?

 Catherine gets the first one-on-one date, so they play in a blizzard on a glacier. 

 Looks like she's having a great time. 

Now, to really take this crapgasmagoria to the next level, Sean had to think really hard. So he incorporated really cold water and canoes into the group date. I'm just going to let Kalon speak for me, here.

Actually, guys, Kalon is HILARIOUS on twitter. Worth checking out if you watch The Bachelor.

So of course, Sarah is once again on this date. Yet another physical date for the one-armed girl.

 Sarah trying to row a canoe with her stump. 
I think she should take that paddle and slam Sean in the face with it.

So, they row to the other side of this lake, which is just melted glacier water, maybe a degree over freezing, and Sean's like: We're going to jump in the lake!

 And Selma's like: Oh, no, no, no, dahling. That is simply not happening. 


And Kalon's like:


But everyone besides Selma jumps in, even though several of them have MAJOR misgivings about it.

Including Tierra!

 So, now that I've seen this episode, I think she really did have hypothermia. You just have to see it to believe it.

 Just really loved this photo/tweet from Tilte. 

But she bounced back real good. Ate a sandwich, yadda yadda. 
Even showed up later for the second half of the date, and Sean asked her if she would expect a proposal at the end of this (?!?!). Did I miss something?

Sean gives Lesley the group date rose. 
Also, Lesley coins the term "tierrorist," which I'm sort of loving. 

And then Sean gives Sarah the boot, and it's sort of heart-wrenching, you guys.

 She was very hurt. 
"I just don't want to be told forever how great I am and what I deserve ... It's not my first time."
She obviously believes this is because of her arm situash. 
Not gonna lie, I teared up a little.

 Then Desiree had her one-on-one date, and it's awful, of course, because no one can just fucking RELAX on a date with Sean! First they have to rappel down a mountain. Overall it was sort of boring.

 Although they did kiss while Sean had a sandwich in his mouth. Which is gross. 

Now for the cocktail party/rose ceremony.

He does some kind of kinky blindfold game with Ashlee where she's giving up control or something. Whatever. 

 Selma kisses him! It's rather chaste and sort of lame. Too little, too late, unfortunately. 

 She said she had to bring out the big guns. Too easy. 
She also said of Tierra: Let's be honest, you're gonna wife that?

And then she got eliminated, along with Daniella.

So this means my No. 2 (Selma) is officially eliminated. Do you think it was because she wouldn't jump in the lake? Hmmm. Who's the new No. 2 pick gonna be? ... I'm torn between Lesley and Ashlee. Catherine is still my No. 1.

Next time they go to St. Croix. What I want to know is: When does Desiree's crazy ex show up?

Oh, I'll leave you with this, even though I don't have a picture of Sean's ugly sweater. :)

Episode 5 recap: If I could be someplace else ...


  1. Selma really was the only smart one on the group date. Who surprises their date/s by planning a polar bear jump? Is he out of his mind?? If this were a normal date, in normal-ass land, these girls would have been like "OH HAILS NO." Back to Selma, good thing she threw him that frickin bone (aka kiss) and ruined her family's reputation on national television. Guh.

    I felt really bad for Sarah too. I can't even imagine what she's been through. Poor girl. But I have to say, I think going on The Bachelor- a show that's known for it's superficiality- was a big mistake for her self confidence.

    I don't need to bother with Tierra because she's dumb.

    Thanks for the Tweet/Pic shout-out! My DVR gave me Bachelor gold when I paused it and that was the image on my screen.

    1. I know, I was thinking -- great, now that Selma's compromised her religious beliefs, she gets kicked to the curb.

      As for Sarah, I'm hoping the fame helps her find someone who thinks she's really hot stuff.

  2. Ok, with these dates they seem to all end up around a camp fire snuggled up on some lawn furniture so you know they smell like wood smoke when they get back to the hotel, and that stuff stinks. So do interns have to do the girl's laundry every night to keep the campfire smell away? I just want to know.

    AND also no way was Tierra hypothermic, but she was a hypochondriac, so there is that. ;) She does make for some good crazy tv. So kudos to mr. bachelor producer dude, whose name eludes me right now.

    1. I wonder about the dry cleaning! I doubt it, though. Former bachelorette Jillian was tweeting that the Bachelor or Bachelorette has all her clothes taken care of by the show (as in purchased) but all the contestants bring all their own stuff. They probably just get stuck with that awful campfire odor tainting their whole suitcase.

      Tierra is so crazypants. Looking forward to tonight's episode!