Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Bachelor, Ep. 4: "Tierra-ble"

Ok, folks. You're busy people, so let's make this brief.

Obligatory shirtless shot. This time with underwear instead of blue shorts. 

Now. Can we all agree Sean's dates are The Worst Dates Ever? Ok, let's proceed.

Leslie H is already upset because she wasn't chosen for the first date, even though she is "here for the right reasons." We all take a drink. 

 Nope. Selma got picked for the horrible, horrible first date, which meant she got to go rock climbing. 
Which really sucks.

 They made it to the top of the rock. Her decolletage glints in the light of the setting sun. 

 Then later she's like: Oh yeah, I'm Muslim and my parents are conservative and there's no way I can kiss you unless I'm the last girl standing. 

So of course now he's REALLY into her. Prediction -- she's in the final 2. My other final girl is still Catherine. Scoff all you want.

Ok, now time for really, the Worst Date Ever, Ever. Roller derby. Does Sean realize he's dating a bunch of chicks? Would he like to date a dude with a vagina? I think that's what he's really after.

 Sarah has fricking had it. Girlfriend only has one arm, k? She's got major balance issues. 
I want to punch Sean in the face for her. 

 Tierra's being a bitch as usual. 

 Amanda was being a douche and then fell down and hit her chin and had to go to the hospital. 
See ya.

 And then Robyn's like, I will cut a bitch. Meaning Tierra. And I'm like: Do it.

And Catherine's like: Tierra is Tierra-ble.

 And then Sean is getting it on with Lindsay. 

Which makes Tierra a cranky fucking baby. I'll tell you why she gets everything she wants. It's because her daddy buys it for her. That is the face of a spoiled-ass brat.

 So Sean is like, I can't resist your ugly-cry face, so I'mma give you the rose. And this face? Is the face of a spoiled-ass brat that got her way. Touche, Tierra. Tou-fricking-che.

Now it's time for Leslie H's date. She gets the "Pretty Woman" date where they get to wear jewels and a dress and shoes and crap.

 Which is her consolation prize for getting kicked out at the end of dinner. Toodle-oo, Leslie H! She does say on her way out that she's "here for the right reasons," and that some of the other girls are not "here for the right reasons. We drink twice. 

Sarah gives good side-eyes. Also, nice braid! Which there's no way she braided herself. 

 Unsurprisingly, Amanda gets eliminated. Nice chin-shiner. 

Next week, guys .... next week they are airing two episodes, one on Monday and another on Tuesday.

This is cruel and unusual punishment. FOUR hours of this crud in one week?! 

But I guess Tierra gets hypothermia, so at least there's that to look forward to. Unless she frigging FAKING it again. The big fake baby.

Episode 3 recap: Let's take this to the next level
Episode 2 recap: I'm a vegan but I love the beef
Episode 1 recap: Who does this, indeed


  1. Lol, tou-fricking-che--my new favorite word!

    1. Haha ... I need to try to use this in conversation.

  2. I love it, I love it, I love it! I fucking hate/ love this show. AND this week I managed to get Eric to watch THE WHOLE THING WITH ME. My favorite of his reactions was when he saw Selma without makeup- he audibly gasped and said "Oh. She looks like a fucking goblin."

    Tierra is dumb and annoying, and why the other girls don't just ignore her dumb ass is beyond me. Fun fact: Tierra means dirt in Spanish.

    1. Makeup Selma vs. No Makeup Selma is drastic. And I can't even get my husband to watch this anymore. He's so over it. Hahaha...

      I thought Tierra might mean dirt ... or land or something. I wouldn't make fun of it if she weren't such a snot.

  3. I'm really not busy. Give me twice as much. I caught a bit of this episode the other night when my boyfriend was like, "No, totally, let's stop watching guy shows for a minute and try out something you want to see. At the very least, I'll have fun mocking it." And I was like, "WHY ARE ALL OF THESE DATES PHYSICAL? Where is the movie-on-the-couch date?" But then I remembered that guys like this are grooooooss and want you to do daredevily stuff with them, which is why I date physicists. Also: someone recommended this blog to me the other day, and the woman went to school with Catherine and does not hate her.

    1. All the dates are the absolute worst. I would never date a dude who wanted to do this kind of crap all the time. I checked out that chick's blog and: interesting! I still think Catherine could take it ...