Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Bachelor, Ep. 9: Vaginas open up

Look.

I KNOW YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS SEASON OF THE BACHELOR ANYMORE.

Neither do I. But I got myself into this, and there's no turning back now, much as I'd like to. Honestly, if I didn't feel obligated to see these recaps through to the end, I might have stopped watching. I just hate them all that much.

How much do you hate them? you might ask.

Well, so much that I fast-forwarded through about the first 15 minutes of Ben talking obnoxiously about what he likes about each woman. Look, dude. We all know you are going to pick Courtney. Stop jacking us around and just get down to business.

Now, for starters, I just have something I want to reiterate. 

 TWENTY FIVE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN COMPETED FOR THE AFFECTIONS OF THIS MAN.



 THERE HE IS AGAIN. 

Ok, now we can move along. This week they are in Switzerland for the vagina dates (also known as the overnight dates). This is when each woman shows Ben her vagina and he then gets to choose which one he likes best. Literally! Courtney has a leg up this week since Ben has already seen her vagina and decided he definitely likes it.

The first vagina date is with Nicki.

Nicki is arguably the cutest, nicest, and most normal girl left. Which means her ass is grass. 

Of their date, Ben says: "When we hang out together, you can feel the love." What the fuck does that even mean?

He tells her he wants 4 kids. Ha. Hahah! Today a 10 week old baby blew Chipotle farts in my face for eight hours. Yesterday she screamed in my face for two hours. I suggest he start with one and let us all know what he decides after that.

Ben says he admires Nicki's confidence, and he says, literally: "Confidence is something I've been looking for in a woman my entire life!" REALLY. He came tearing out of his mother's vagina on the prowl for a confident woman. 

What bothers me most about Nicki and Ben's vagina date is that I think this is the first dude Nicki has hooked up with since her divorce. What a waste.

The next vagina date is with Lindzi.


They embark on the least extreme extreme sport I've ever seen, as they slowly lower themselves into a canyon while they sit in harnesses. If I were a monkey, I'd be throwing poop at the TV by now.

Ben says: "I see myself with her for the rest of my life!" LIAR.


 The most disturbing part of Ben and Lindzi's date was this .... spectacle. Does Lindzi have enormous feet or is that just the camera angle?


Next up is Courtney's vagina date. 


Ben does the only right thing he has ever done in the history of him being alive, and he tells her the way she treated some of the girls was "messed up." She apologizes. Ben accepts, and then he shows her his penis. Again.

The most annoying part of their date was that Courtney has done a complete 180 personality-wise. I have no idea who the hell this bitch is, but I know she scares me and she might be a psychopath.

Then Kacie B shows up. Girrrrrl. What a drama queen.


I decided to humiliate myself on national television 
because I need "clarification" on why Ben doesn't love me!!


Ben tells her some dumb song and dance. What we all know is 1) He was never gonna pick her because he's always had his eye on Courtney and 2) Her parents are crazypants. Good luck finding any normal dude to marry, Kacie!

Then, because Kacie is the Princess of Nice, she tells Ben Courtney will break his heart because 1) "She's in it to win it" and 2) Courtney thinks if it's not Ben, there are other fish in the sea. 

Vague enough for ya? 

Then she goes and lies down on the floor.

 Mature! You are ready for marriage.



Then Ben dumps Nicki. SHOCKING, I know. 


This is LITERALLY the look on Ben's face when he is telling Nicki why he is cutting her. 
Also, fuck his hair. Hard.



Nicki's upset, but we all agree: You dodged a bullet, girl!

Other shit that happened during this episode:


Emily talks about her upcoming season of The Bachelorette, which I will NOT be recapping. I am worried her season is going to be very Oh dear me, where are mah smelling salts!? You know? Like, not very empowering for women to watch? I just want to shake her and be like: Get a grip, Emily! For fuck's sake. If I looked like her, I would be wielding an unholy amount of power.



Next episode is the "Women Tell All" episode. I'm not recapping that shit, you guys. No one cares, right? And then for the finale, they're saying it's the "most controversial finale in Bachelor history!!!" Really?! More controversial than the time Brad Womack dumped both of the final girls? I highly doubt it.

GAH.







Monday, February 27, 2012

Something that's been bothering me since 1986

Why would you take this dress ...









And turn it into this dress?





Why?


WHY?

Friday, February 24, 2012

Review: Honolulu

I've begun to believe quite firmly that there is something about February that really gets to people.

I'm no exception. I feel decidedly uninspired, tired, and lacking in confidence in just about every area of my life.

I'm beginning to have crazy thoughts about throwing away every piece of clothing I own and buying all new things because I hate all of it. And then I realize I also hate the way clothes hang on me and I think I should probably basically live at the track and I shouldn't be allowed back in the kitchen until I've shed 50 pounds. I think I need a bright pink mani-pedi, a haircut, some new paint on the walls, and a change of scenery, pronto. I'm tired of staring at these walls and would like to stare at the walls somewhere else for a little while, please.

Honolulu would suffice.

Have you been? All of islands of Hawaii are basically magical, to me. I won't get into it; just know that I love, love, love Hawaii, particularly Maui.

So that might be part of the reason I enjoyed this book so much. It's part The Joy Luck Club (except Korean instead of Chinese) and part rambling epic history of the island of Oahu.




You're always going to enjoy reading novels that are set in a location you've visited or lived in. This is the very reason I'll occasionally enjoy a Carl Hiaasen novel -- they're set in Florida, and the weirdest shit happens in them. None of it's the slightest bit believable unless you've actually spent any time in Florida, which is when you realize it's practically an alternate universe where anything goes.

Honolulu starts out in rural Korea in the 1920s. I had next to no knowledge of what life was like in Korea for women at that time, so it was interesting to learn about how they were basically treated as property, and not allowed to go to school, etc. There are also little cultural tidbits, such as how Koreans believe you should not show emotion, whether happy or sad. Not sure if this is still the case, but apparently it was in the '20s.

The protagonist, Regret (Korean parents were not thrilled with female children), ends up moving to Honolulu as a "picture bride" when she's just a teenager. This was apparently something that happened with a number of women from several countries at the time. People from countries all over the place were moving to the islands because there was a lot of agricultural work to be done, in addition to the huge numbers of military people who lived (and still do live) there. That sentence was poorly constructed; I apologize.

The book spans a number of years, from Regret's (she renames herself Jin) childhood to her 60s, and covers happenings in her personal life as well as actual historical events that the author takes the liberty of injecting his fictional characters into. It was interesting to learn more about the history of the extreme diversity of the islands and the struggles that resulted from the mixing of peoples who sort of hated each other. If you've ever eaten "mixed plate," the very diversity of the islands is where this food comes from.

I wished I'd been reading Honolulu while resting beach-side on a lounge chair, in the islands. It made me want to go back very badly. I think overall this is a really easy, entertaining read. My only issue with the novel is that because it focuses so heavily on historic events, you lose some of the feelings you might have otherwise had for the characters, and you end up not entirely caring what happens to them. Also, the novel never addresses the one major event I expected to read about: the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Still, it's a decent read.

Brennert has another novel called Moloka'i that I'd really like to read. Molokai is known mainly for having been a leper colony (where several patients still live), so obviously has a really interesting history that I'd love to learn more about. My parents spent some time there (as visitors, not lepers) and it's still a rather unspoiled island. From what I understand, there is basically one road in town, and no stop lights.

I'm sure I'll be reading it and posting about it later ...

Hope you have a great weekend in the sunshine ... 




Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Bachelor, Ep. 8: Everything I Say Sounds Like a Question?

What does it mean when everything a person says sounds like they are asking a question? To me, if that person is male, they sound less masculine. But that's just me.

Ben went to meet Lindzi's parents in Ocala, Fl. They were way too nice. Ben tells her father, "I have strong feelings for your daughter?"


Later in an on-screen interview: "I didn't expect my feelings to grow so much in one day for one woman?" Just for the record, I think this sentences-that-are-questions-but-shouldn't-be thing is a tell for Ben. As in, when he's lying, he does that. So, he lies a lot. 

Then he goes to Clarksville, TN, to visit Kacie B and her family. 


 
Here, Kacie is pouring her heart out. Something about her dead grandma. Ben is trying as hard as he can to act like he cares.

Kacie warns Ben that her dad doesn't drink and says something like "Welcome to the Bible belt!" Ben says he thought he was in the bourbon belt. I think it's Baptists that don't drink? Oh, Ben. The moment you heard that, you just saw a big red "X" over Kacie's face, didn't you?


Here's Ben saying something like: Kacie's dad doesn't drink? And I'm, like, a wine maker?Also, his hair looks about two inches longer here. Weird.

Kacie's parents were admittedly religious to the extreme and jumped the gun on the whole living together thing. Like, how about you wait for Ben to pick her from the remaining four women before you worry about her living in sin with him in San Francisco? People irritate me.

Oh, and then Kacie's dad says if Ben asked him for permission to marry his daughter, he'd say no. So all in all, it went pretty fabulously.

Then he went to visit Nicki and her parents in Fort Worth, Texas.

Nicki is the funnest chick left. I think she'd make a good Bachelorette. Just sayin'.

Nicki's parents are also way too nice. Her dad gives his blessing, and Nicki proclaims her undying love while I grimace on the couch.

Then it's time to visit Courtney in Scottsdale, AZ.

Courtney is suddenly full of regret regarding how she's treated the other girls. Weird. I much prefer evil Courtney, so quit that shit.

In a moment of irony, Ben says "It would bother me if I ended up with someone who rubbed people the wrong way." Well, guess what's about to happen?

Ben makes sure to look Courtney's dad dead in the eye for a full five seconds while they are toasting their wine, so that dad knows he is a MAN, and not just some unwashed caveman who wants to drag their daughter back to his cave by her hair.

Courtney's dad is an easy sell and tells Ben to make sure to provide him with grandkids. I won't get into the rest of Ben's vomitorious time in Scottsdale with Courtney.

Back in LA ....


Kacie B gives side-eyes to Courtney.


And then Kacie B wants to know "what the f*ck just happened." What happened is you dodged a bullet. You are 24 -- you'll live. Also, your parents are terrifying. 
I suggest you go meet a nice boy in church.


Next time, they're going to jizz all over Switzerland. It's time for the fantasy suite dates. Vom dot com. There's a mystery girl in skinny jeans and platform heels who shows up to .... who knows what? Actually, I know what because I read the spoiler. It's kind of funny. But I'm not going to spoil it for you, don't worry.

Anyway, here's some good news! Emily dropped her zero and is gonna try to get with a hero.

She's our new Bachelorette! (Do you think those are veneers? Just wonderin') Production begins next month, and her season will air this summer.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Nic Cage

I needed something to laugh at, badly, and Nicolas Cage provided this morning. 

I pulled up an article titled "Nicolas Cage is still bad to the bone." I was mildly interested. And then I read the first paragraph:

In Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Nicolas Cage punches Satan. He punches Satan in the face.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/02/12/2634933/cool-rider.html#storylink=misearch#storylink=cpy
If I'd been drinking something, I would have spit it out, because that made me laugh my ass off.

The rest of the article is rather entertaining, if you find Nicolas Cage entertaining (which I do), so you should give it a read. There are some real, real gems in there regarding his style of acting ("Nouveau Shamanic", whatever the fuck that is), his "power objects," and how "the fear in the eyes of the (film) crew" was "oxygen" to his "forest fire."

By the way, were you aware that Cage was in a film called "Bangkok Dangerous"? Me neither.

And did you see Cage on SNL on Saturday, side-by-side with Andy Samberg, who was also dressed as Nicolas Cage? It was pretty entertaining. They said the new "Ghost Rider" has two key qualities of a Nic Cage action film.

1. All the dialogue is either whispered or screamed.

2. Everything in the movie is on fire.

So true. So, so true.

Here's two minutes of clips from "Wicker Man," in which he screams a lot and punches the shit out of some threatening women. Hahahhaha....


Happy Friday. Let's have a great weekend.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Paella

If the name of the paella recipe I tried did not include the word "doable," I'm not sure I would have tried it. Paella seems kind of intimidating. So many meats. So many flavors. But it turns out it totally is doable, and delicious.

The recipe I used is from Pam Anderson's (not that Pam Anderson) "Perfect One-Dish Dinners: All You Need For Easy Get-Togethers."

Paella happens to be the featured dish on the cover.


I decided to make this dish on Valentine's Day. I was pretty certain it would be my husband's dream food; the more meat, the better, as far as he is concerned.



Ingredients include, but are not limited to shrimp, linguica, chicken thighs, bay scallops, peas, rice, red pepper, onion, garlic, chicken stock, diced tomatoes, parsley.

First you cook up your land meats.



Thank you sir, may I have another? I will probably be frying my remaining linguica up with eggs this weekend to ensure maximum possible heartburn.




 The chicken is season liberally with paprika, oregano, salt and pepper.




Those are little tiny saffron threads sitting on top of rice, next to some red pepper flakes. I think this recipe was fairly mild. When I make it again I will probably triple the red pepper flakes. My husband used tobasco sauce on his meal and loved it.




It turned out delicious. My husband raved. It has that traditional paella flavor that you expect, with the bonus of being homemade. Homemade stuff just tastes better.



Yummm....



My Valentine's gift from my husband. They were sold out of bouquets so he got this basket that comes with a bottle of wine. Dude cracks me. He picked the bottle - Sonoma Cutrer Chardonnay. One of our favorites that we first enjoyed on our honeymoon. I think I'll keep him.


Here's the recipe with a few added notes from me in parentheses that I think will be helpful. Anderson's book looks chock full of yummy dishes and she helpfully suggests dishes to accompany the main courses. She also offers suggestions on how to make things ahead of time and serve them if you're having company over. I think it's a good buy, and no, I'm not being paid to advertise.

Delicious, Doable Paella
Serves 6 

(I found cook time to be between 75 and 90 min)

Ingredients

1 lb - about 4 medium - boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into 2 inch pieces. 
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 1/2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon dried oregano
Salt and freshly ground pepper
8 ounces cooked chorizo or linguica sausages, sliced diagonally 1/2 inch thick
1 spanish onion, chopped
1/2 large red bell pepper, chopped (oops! Just realized I used a whole one. Turned out fine)
3 large garlic cloves, peeled and smashed
1 1/2 cups short or medium grain rice
Pinch saffron threads
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (the recipe turns out quite mild. If you like things a tad spicier I'd take this up a notch or three)
3 cups chicken broth
1 14.5 ounce can petite diced tomatoes, undrained
1/2 lb peeled and deveined shrimp, preferably wild
1/2 lb bay scallops
1/2 cup frozen peas, thawed
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
 
Drizzle chicken with 1 tablespoon oil and sprinkle with paprika, oregano, and a generous sprinkling of salt and pepper; toss to coat. 
Heat a large 11 to 12 inch, deep skillet (I used my dutch oven) over medium-high heat. When wisps of smoke start to rise from the pan, add chicken and cook until brown and just cooked through, 3 to 4 minutes per side. Transfer to a small bowl. 
Add remaining 1 tablespoon oil and sausages and cook until well browned, 3 to 4 minutes. Add onion, bell pepper, and garlic and cook until tender, about 4 minutes longer. Stir in rice, saffron, and pepper flakes. 
Add broth and tomatoes (at this point I would add a little more salt if I were you. The recipe will need a little salt at the end if you don't) and continue cooking over medium-high heat until liquid simmers. Reduce heat to low, cover with lid or heavy-duty foil, and cook until most of the liquid is absorbed, about 15 minutes. Stir in the chicken, shrimp, scallops and their juices, peas, and parsley and cook until seafood is cooked through, about 5 minutes longer (I found I needed to turn the burner to about medium-low at this point). Turn off heat and let stand, covered, for a few minutes. Serve straight from the pan or transfer to a large platter, arranging seafood and chicken as desired. 




Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Bachelor, Ep. 7: Kill Shot

This is going to be brief because 1. The baby is going to scream any second. 2. This season has begun to bore the eff out of me.

My severe dislike of Ben grows evermore.

 Some men should not wear tank tops. Ben is one of those men. This isn't helping the caveman thing.


This looks like he's wearing underwear for a 1-on-1. Classy. He doesn't think he needs to put any effort into his appearance because he is just that much of a catch.


Satan cries. Who knew it was possible? Courtney is the only entertaining thing left on this show and she is pure evil. She says she's not sure about Ben any more because he hasn't taken her on a 1-on-1 date in a while. Hey: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? My grandma wanted me to ask you that.


 Lindzi on her 1-on-1. Someone help this woman with her hair. For the love of God.

Ben says he is falling in love with her. This is a big clue. Also, he says "When I'm with Lindzi there's nothing we can't accomplish together." Which he has said about EVERY. SINGLE. OTHER. GIRL.


Emily, who's totes cute in her bikini. She's way too good for him, and luckily he sends her home so she can date someone who's not a douche.


Why in hells bells would you allow a camera crew to film you shaving your bikini line and armpits?!?!?!?!


 Rachel. Adieu!



 Nicki. I have nothing to say about her.


 Kacie. Courtney calls her a little girl in a little boy's body. Harsh. Yet funny.


 Courtney. Ben telling her he wants to meet her family is another big clue. As is him saying he had a "moment of clarity" and that he "saw a future with her." She says she has lots of guy friends, but not so much girl friends. WARNING! WARNING! This is a red flag.

 By the way, please watch the following video if you haven't already.




LINDZI. THE 1980s CALLED AND IT WANTS ITS WET & WILD FLESH-COLORED LIPSTICK BACK. Someone please help this woman with her makeup.


Evil begets evil.

The final four women who will be having hometown dates are Nicki, Kacie, Lindzi, and Courtney. 


YAWN

Monday, February 13, 2012

That baby

So I'm on Week 2 with Ava and so far I have kept her relatively clean and alive! I am winning at this!

Mainly I've been learning how to distract her from wanting to scream her ass off.

I learned the kitchen light is hypnotizing and will get her to suck down a whole bottle fairly quickly -- even the frozen milk she despises.

I learned she is entranced by the mobile on the pack-and-play, which comes in handy when I'm using 45 wipes to clean pureed pumpkin out of her lady bits.

I learned how to coax impressive burps out of her following a feeding.

I learned that she farts as loud as a man.

I learned how to rock and jiggle and swaddle in such a way as to invite sleep sooner than later.

And I learned she enjoys being spoken to. I've been telling her secrets about everyone in the family, and she thinks it is hilarious.

The cats were initially curious about her, and now when she shows up they're like, Not that baby again! It confuses them when I use my baby-talk voice with Ava, because they are usually my little furry snuggle muffins. They are a little pissed off that I'm carting around a wailing, tiny human and talking to her like she's way awesomer than they are.

Murray's been roaming the house, meowing loudly. He's been jumping on the kitchen counter (a big no-no) just to get my attention. He and Simon both have been choosing their noisiest toys to play with and bringing them near Ava, so I'll give them attention. Simon likes to walk up to the baby and meow loudly. Thankfully she seems fairly immune to annoying meowing and squeak toys. And other than being jealous, the cats are rather polite. They've never purposely bitten or scratched a human and they aren't about to start with the baffling baby.

I consider my time with Ava training wheels for when I have my own kid. I now feel about five million times more confident that I can birth a child and not promptly kill it by accident. Of course, Ava makes it look easier than it potentially could be. I'll just be grateful for that in the meantime.

In conclusion: I'm enjoying my new job, but it is definitely all-consuming. Go figure, caring for a human requires a lot of attention! People who have kids and also get other things done -- other than feeding their children and occasionally hosing them off when they're filthy -- those people are over-achievers.

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

The Bachelor, Ep. 6: Do you want my mouth closed, or open?

So here's a theory for you. At this point, Ben already knows who he's choosing at the end, and he's told this to the producers. Therefore, the producers can manipulate the remainder of the season in order to wring as much emotional drama out of this poop parade as they possibly can.

And here's another theory for you, which isn't mine -- I stole it from someone else, but it made a lot of sense. He has to pick Courtney. If he picked a different woman, she'd be hella pissed watching this season unfold, don'tcha think?

So combining those two theories, you can see we are already being manipulated, right? Courtney doesn't get a rose on the group date. She doesn't even get the first rose at the rose ceremony. Ben doesn't meet her in her room when she invites him. It's all a farce, I tell you. And be assured that whoever the other final woman is, it's going to be someone everyone in the viewing audience unequivocally likes, and Ben breaking her heart is going to make us throw our shoes at our TV sets. Mark my words!

All right, let's get down to brass tacks.

 Ben's hair still f*cking sucks, FYI.


Kacie B gets the first one-on-one. Courtney calls her "kind of annoying," and honestly, people? I think Courtney's right. Have you heard Kacie B laugh? Gah. Ben is worried he and Kacie will run out of things to talk about.

 Kacie B's hair looked weird before the one-on-one.

Anyway he takes Kacie B to a deserted island, where they fish and hack open coconuts. "I think today is a good example of whether we'll be able to work together in the future." *EYE ROLL*

My husband notes Kacie is probably not Ben's favorite because at no point during the deserted island trip did she "wank his yanky." Or maybe it was "yank his wank." She did, however, tell Ben all about her high school eating disorder. She says she was anorexic and bulimic. Girl? As a person with her own food issues, I feel you. But I think you just lost yourself this competition. You're too good for him, anyway.

Next up, Ben takes a bunch of women on a jungle date. Jamie -- who it turns out is some kind of closet freak -- is impressed with Ben's long boat. Not to be outdone, Courtney rubs her breasts and tells everyone how wet she is.

 WE KNOW, COURTNEY. We get it. You are the horniest contestant. Congrats. 

Once they get to the jungle, some native peeps have them put on native garb. Predictably, everyone but Courtney keeps their bikini top on. Courtney calls them all prudes. Ben says he "appreciates" Courtney's willingness to bare it all. Perhaps he was trying to gauge boob floppiness on this date? What a douche. 

 Emily: "Classy, right?" Emily, white women who repeatedly perform long, embarrassing raps have little room to talk. Hush, now.


Lindzi and Casey eying Courtney's ta-tas. Lindzi's like "I will cut you," and Casey's like, "I am so high right now."

THEN? Then Ben shows up in his loin cloth.

 Least sexy thing ever.


Oh, the horror. He looks like he took a poo poo in his diaper. Courtney is jiggling her boobs so much the producers give up and just put a black box around her torso.


Lindzi gets a little one-on-one time with Ben. I like her earrings. She tells Ben she's cried over their relationship. Egads. Then they kiss loudly. It's gross.

Then poor Jamie gets some one-on-one time, and the entire time, Courtney's skipping in circles behind her in a white bikini. Shockingly, Ben barely paid attention to what Jamie was saying.


 Bizzle.

Then Emily, who we know has poor judgment because of the white-girl rapping thing, then decides she may have misjudged Courtney and that Courtney is suddenly a cool girl.

Emily feels the need to apologize to Courtney for talking crap about her to Ben, and SHOCKINGLY Courtney does not accept her apology and instead says she doesn't forgive and forget and has lost all respect for Emily. JUST SHUT UP ALREADY.

The group date ends with Lindzi getting the rose and Courtney staring wistfully at a wall and talking about how she has a pattern of dating men who don't appreciate her. My husband says this is because she doesn't build her worth with men, she just says "here's everything" right away. A little mystery never hurt anything, Courtney! Ya couldn't have waited for the overnight dates to show him your vagina??

Then we have a two-on-one date with Blakeley and Rachel. This means one of these chicks has to go home.
 I am loving the pink and blue because I grew up watching Cinderella. It's too tedious to explain.

Ben is stressed and says he feels Blakeley and Rachel are on an even playing field. I'm inclined to agree. They go dancing. Blakeley says "sexual and sensual" is "who I am." Someone tell me if this woman is a stripper, already. Also, Blakeley makes him an embarrassing collage, so obviously Ben gives her the boot and keeps Rachel.

Then Casey goes home because she's in love with some asshole that won't marry her (not Ben).
Here's the deal. Casey was actually the prettiest girl there, but she didn't have much going on personality-wise. Ben accused her of not "opening up." We could take this to mean a variety of things.


And it's a good thing she's so pretty, because I am not sure if I can adequately express how awful this jumpsuit is. It's like a cross between scrubs and a bag. In denim. I like to think Chris is making a "I have a normal job and this is not at all awkward" face.

Ben tells Casey he doesn't sugarcoat things and she should go home. As she tromps off in her jumpsuit, he stares wistfully at the ocean, probably thinking about Courtney's vagina.

Speaking of vagina...


Our girl Jamie, who it turns out is actually funny and endearing, is the only one who hasn't kissed Ben. She decides she's basically going to hump him. She tries being cute and sexy with some kissing instructions, and it probably would have been cute and sexy three episodes ago, but instead Ben is just confused and he sends her packing. It's not embarrassing at all. In Opposite Land.

Next time they go to Belize. The Wonder Twins, Kacie and Nicki, are going to team up against Courtney. It's all a ruse, you guys. The episode after Belize is hometown dates. Hold on to your hats.