And they were stupid.
Nick's tattoo is that one Bible verse, "I can do all things through Christ," etc. The tattoo on his other bicep says, "Notorious." I don't think I need to make a joke about this right now.
There was a competition that was too stupid to discuss. Long story short, Chris and Sarah won again.
Dry-hump celebration, woo!
They got to kick off one couple. Chris' hatred of Blakeley won out over his friendship with Tony, so he eliminated Tony and Blakeley.
I hope I never see her on TV again. Anyway, in case you're wondering, the internet says they are still together and she is moving to Portland to be with him.
Now comes the *fun* part.
By fun, I mean that Bachelor Pad took an excellent song and crapped all over it. I wonder if they would like to send their contestants to my favorite breakfast diner to shit all over the plates, too. Damned ruiners.
Night Ranger, why hast thou sold thy soul to the devil?
For the next competition, the three remaining pairs have to sing duets of "Sister Christian." Which means we have to listen to varying crappified version of "Sister Christian" for an hour. I never want to hear it again.
Nick and his other bicep.
If the competition had been for "best simulated on-stage sex," Ed and Jaclyn would have won.
If the competition had been "most on-stage epileptic seizures," Chris and Sarah would have won.
But Rachel and Nick won.
Honestly, I fast forwarded a lot through the last half of this bull shit.
Since they won, Nick and Rachel get to decide who to go to the finale with. Rachel wants to bring Ed and Jaclyn, because she and Jaclyn are best friends. Nick wants to bring Chris and Sarah because they're completely unlikable and will never get enough votes from former contestants to win.
So they pick Chris and Sarah.
Chris is so entitled. Sarah is like: Wow you guys are stupid.
GOODBYE ED. GO AWAY NOW.
Jaclyn is PISSED
She's saying "It's fine," which as women know is code for "there are not enough curse words in the English language for how I feel right now."
Jaclyn says the friendship is off. I don't care. Goodbye.
Next week is the finale, FINALLY. There are some clips of Rachel yelling at someone and looking rather upset. There's a clip of Michael saying he didn't come on the show looking for a wife, so presumably he and Rachel are no longer dating. Chris Harrison calls it the "most shocking and most disturbing" Bachelor Pad finale ever, which isn't hard to do since it's only the third one ever.
You know what's shocking and disturbing?
Pick the giant earrings or the horrible headdress or the face jewels but not all of them.
Or is the gypsy look in now?
I could be wrong.