Because near the end I turned to my husband and said: "This show is so bad." And he says: "I hate it."
I find it difficult to care about the many, many idiots on this show. So I will "recap" last night's, but no guarantee on any future episode. I have more important things to do, like bang my forehead against the wall repeatedly.
All right. Here are the highlights. I'm not going to show, much less name everyone who's on this stupid-ass show, because I simply do not care.
This was the best part of the entire episode, and it happened during the first five minutes (and this show is two hours, for some godforsaken reason that makes me want to break things). It's just Kalon thinking he's American Psycho or something.
(May I suggest this music video if you're into American Psycho.)
Kalon says: "I'm pretty sure America hates me. ... I'm gonna ruin your fucking summer."
Not if I have anything to say about it, chump.
In other news, Blakeley apparently waxes men's asses for a living now.
Oh, also, she's still completely psychotic.
It doesn't matter who this guy is because he already got eliminated. I just liked that he was watching The Bachelor in his pajamas while drinking wine. And that he's a SWAT guy.
Superfan slut named Donna. Eventually she's gonna hook up with Chris (bobblehead from Emily's season), after he hooks up with Blakeley and Jamie. There's nothing QUITE LIKE sloppy thirds, Donna.
Twins. Not cute. Superfans.
Oh, also, I guess all the bachelor/bachelorette alums think they are famous or something? Because they're all perturbed about the show's superfans coming on and being all moon-eyed about being around the stupendous beauty that is washed-up reality show contestants?
Newsflash, douchebags! You were on a dating show! You are not famous! You are humiliating yourself on national television for a chance to win $250,000, which I feel is relative chump change where your dignity is concerned. Especially when I'm pretty sure Michael is just gonna win again. He's the only one in the house who seems to understand what is happening.
Will someone please help Lindzi with her goddamn makeup?
Ed getting hammered and explaining how Reid loved Jillian more than he did, which is supposed to make Reid look like an asshole?
I wasn't sure it was possible to dislike Ed more than I already did, but SURPRISE! It is.
He confirmed that he cheated on Jillian. He said he wasn't ready to settle down and still isn't. So proposing to Jillian made lots of sense.
Here's something for you to ponder: I think Ed is gay. BAM.
I'm about to be mean again. How did this bitch get on the Bachelor?
And what the HELL is Blakeley wearing?
Don't ever wear that again.
Don't ever wear that again.
Basically, I cannot review this show without getting really ragey. Even Reid does not save this show because there are wayyyy too many assholes overpowering him. I can only continue watching if someone can promise me that at some point Reid knifes Ed in the face.