Tuesday, July 24, 2012

bachelor pad: I can't do this

Did any of you watch this ... this tripe? With your dignity intact?

Because near the end I turned to my husband and said: "This show is so bad." And he says: "I hate it."

I find it difficult to care about the many, many idiots on this show. So I will "recap" last night's, but no guarantee on any future episode. I have more important things to do, like bang my forehead against the wall repeatedly.

All right. Here are the highlights. I'm not going to show, much less name everyone who's on this stupid-ass show, because I simply do not care.

 This was the best part of the entire episode, and it happened during the first five minutes (and this show is two hours, for some godforsaken reason that makes me want to break things). It's just Kalon thinking he's American Psycho or something. 
(May I suggest this music video if you're into American Psycho.)
Kalon says: "I'm pretty sure America hates me. ... I'm gonna ruin your fucking summer."
Not if I have anything to say about it, chump.

 In other news, Blakeley apparently waxes men's asses for a living now. 
Oh, also, she's still completely psychotic.

 It doesn't matter who this guy is because he already got eliminated. I just liked that he was watching The Bachelor in his pajamas while drinking wine. And that he's a SWAT guy. 

 Superfan slut named Donna. Eventually she's gonna hook up with Chris (bobblehead from Emily's season), after he hooks up with Blakeley and Jamie. There's nothing QUITE LIKE sloppy thirds, Donna. 

 Twins. Not cute. Superfans. 

Oh, also, I guess all the bachelor/bachelorette alums think they are famous or something? Because they're all perturbed about the show's superfans coming on and being all moon-eyed about being around the stupendous beauty that is washed-up reality show contestants?

Newsflash, douchebags! You were on a dating show! You are not famous! You are humiliating yourself on national television for a chance to win $250,000, which I feel is relative chump change where your dignity is concerned. Especially when I'm pretty sure Michael is just gonna win again. He's the only one in the house who seems to understand what is happening.

*deep breath*

 Will someone please help Lindzi with her goddamn makeup? 

 Ed getting hammered and explaining how Reid loved Jillian more than he did, which is supposed to make Reid look like an asshole?
I wasn't sure it was possible to dislike Ed more than I already did, but SURPRISE! It is. 
He confirmed that he cheated on Jillian. He said he wasn't ready to settle down and still isn't. So proposing to Jillian made lots of sense. 
Here's something for you to ponder: I think Ed is gay. BAM.

 I'm about to be mean again. How did this bitch get on the Bachelor?

 And what the HELL is Blakeley wearing?


 Don't ever wear that again. 

Don't ever wear that again. 

Basically, I cannot review this show without getting really ragey. Even Reid does not save this show because there are wayyyy too many assholes overpowering him. I can only continue watching if someone can promise me that at some point Reid knifes Ed in the face. 



  1. You are too funny. Please keep doing the recap so I don't have to watch it.


  2. I loved this post! I couldn't make it passed the first 3 minutes I saw of this show with that Lindzi and her "Hiiiiiii" to the first couple guys. The show had saturated its insipid point in the first 5. Goodbye.

  3. Those twin blondes were also on Million Dollar Listing LA - Guess they're making the reality show circuit....

    1. they were also on Jersey Shore. GROSS

    2. Are there not cuter blonde twins who want to whore themselves out on TV? Sheesh.

  4. i dont know why but it seems like chris and lindzi are top tiered on that show or something. and how can michael stagleano be on the show after he won last season? seems weird.

    ALSO, i still love reed! he is so sweet for trying to save his partner, even if she was just a "fan". jillian probably is so embarrassed watching her ex-fiance ed. what a loser.

    1. Yeah I thought Michael being on the show again was weird, too, but I'm sure he's a big draw. Reid was really nice and I wanted to see if anything was going to develop between him and Paige, so that was disappointing too. For Jillian's thoughts, visit her blog. :) http://jillianharris.com/blog/post/a-few-thoughts-on-the-bachelor-pad-premiere

    2. HA! I said two things she said everyone says and she basically doesnt feel that way. well, i was wrong. :p

    3. he totally is a loser, though. hahaha