This week we are in Croatia.
Emily says she wants to use this week as an opportunity to weed out men she's unsure of. She may have phrased it differently. I think it's a great idea.
Therefore, it's time for Travis (ostrich egg guy) to go on a one-on-one. We all hear his death knell, don't we? My husband quips (using Bill Compton's accent): "I sentence you to the true death." That's for True Blood fans.
Travis was too dumb to take his shirt off while standing on the balancing stone (it's a long, boring story), but I was smart enough to take his picture here.
This is basically his most impressive moment on The Bachelorette.
They have an OK date, but there's no spark, so it's seeya later, Travis.
Meanwhile, the men are discussing what may be happening on Emily and Travis' date ....
... and Ryan is wearing the douchiest tank top we've ever seen. Ever.
Ryan finds out he's going to have the next one-on-one date, to which he says: "I know how to manipulate the situation ... I can go get the girl." Yes, I still hate him, but this week it's more in a bored, creeped-out way. His carefully cropped facial hair gives me the willies.
Anyway, it's time for the group date, which takes a decidedly Scottish turn. They watch the movie, "Brave," and then it's time for the men to don kilts and play in their own Highland Games.
Even though ...
... I checked to make sure. Croatia and Scotland = not close to each other at all.
Still, I'm not going to turn down the opportunity to see men in skirts. Even though they wore their kilts improperly; true Scots go commando. True story.
I don't know why I like men in skirts ... I just do.
Emily tells them it's customary in Croatia to ride donkeys into battle.
But something tells me the Croats didn't ride into battle in kilts. Youch.
Chris gets the date rose for being "brave," aka dumb. Here, he'd chosen Doug to go up against in the ... stick-pulling contest? For Doug it was like taking candy from a baby.
Jef, who is still my favorite, tells Emily "you give me that type of feeling that, like, people write novels about." Still saying "like" too much, but oh well. And then he whispers to her: "Can I tell you a secret? I'm freaking crazy about you." And then I die.
And Arie made out with her a little, too, and it grossed me out.
Here Arie and Jef are watching Emily give Chris the date rose. She says Chris gave her butterflies.
I dunno. I don't see Chris being a frontrunner.
Now it's time for Ryan's one-on-one date. This is his second one-on-one with Emily. In an interview he's heard saying: "I know that I am a very good looking guy who can get women." I vurp my dinner a little.
The men discuss Ryan after he leaves for his date. Chris says Ryan shaves his legs and plucks his finger hairs and "it's weird." Arie says, "Ryan is a dick." Jef makes fun of Ryan saying, "The world is our oyster and you're the pearl," concluding with the declaration that Ryan makes his skin crawl. Ditto.
They go catch oysters. Emily tries one.
This is the look of panic in her eyes when she tries an oyster. I love it; I'd be the same way.
That shiz got spit back into the ocean.
Ryan cannot stop talking about wanting a trophy wife, so Emily decides to dress up like one.
And Ryan wears hella ugly shoes.
At dinner he busts out a list of 12 qualities he's looking for in a wife. What a douche.
Qualities include: loyalty, logical, encouraging, faithful, nurturing, confident, magnetic, loves to laugh, servant (I know, dudes), selfless, beautiful (obvs), sexy personality (who the fuck knows), bold, catches his eye.
I really, really hate him.
Emily's no dummy. She tells him: "I don't want to be someone's mold." She is who she is; she doesn't need Ryan telling her who to be. "On the top of my list would be a loving family, not a perfect one." BAM.
So she tells him to get the fuck out (sort of).
And he's like: "That is very shocking. I would not have seen that coming. ... I think that I'm probably just the right guy for you." This is literally the look on his face while he's saying that.
He tries pretty hard to keep her from eliminating him, probably because he realizes that not being in the top 3 is going to prevent him from being the next Bachelor. Emily sticks to her guns and sends him away.
Someone comes to collect Ryan's bag, and the men erupt into high-fives.
And then Arie creeps over to Emily's room and puts his hand on her butt.
So here's my thing with Arie. He's probably a perfectly nice guy, except ... he looks a little sickly to me, or something. Like if John Travolta was younger, thinner, and very ill. And his fingers really, really creep me out. I can't explain it better than that.
Sometimes high-def is so disturbing.
Now it's time for the rose ceremony. Emily says Wolfie and Doug are "on the bubble."
Wolfie shows Emily his grandparents' funeral cards, and it's very touching.
I like him much more immediately.
And Doug still remains completely clueless and refuses to make a move on Emily, even though she practically is telling him to tongue her.
Doug -- ye are doomed. Eventually.
She decides not to eliminate anyone that night. The order names are called: Sean, Jef, Arie, Wolfie, Doug.
Next time they are going to Prague ... AND THEN..... At some point we find out Arie had a relationship with a producer! That he failed to mention!! Whatever. Let's eliminate his creepy ass.
Til then ...