For reasons I will never understand, Hollywood does this thing where it latches on to a story and then beats the everloving shit out of it until viewing audiences are like: OK! Uncle! Please, for the love of all that's holy! If I have to watch another Spiderman movie my brain is going to melt out of my ears!
Which is what is about to happen (and is kind of already happening) with the story of Snow White.
For starters, we have the abhorrent TV shows "Once Upon a Time" and "Grimm." They're both new programs, and both cover a gamut of fairy tales, although "Once Upon a Time" focuses mainly on the story of Snow White, her evil stepmother, and some dumb crap about how every fairy tale character in the universe was transported to some town where none of them remember who they are, which is how the queen wants it, inexplicably.
I'm not sure if Grimm has ventured into Snow White territory because I am so goddamn confused about what it's about and why all of the fairy tale characters look like monsters, including Rapunzel, who is a murderous maiden who strangles her victims with her hair (?!?!?!?!?!?).
Not to be outdone, the movie-making industry has decided it also needs to bastardize the Snow White fairytale, which is why there are TWO Snow White movies coming out this year.
One is dark, kind of horror-esque, with Charlize Theron as the evil queen (OK, I'm all right with the casting there) and the soulless Kristen Stewart as Snow White. What the .... who in the world decided that vapidity was a clincher for the role of Snow White? I was not consulted! I protest!! I doth protest much!!
Then there's another one coming out, with Julia Roberts as the evil queen (YAWN). Armie Hammer is the prince. He's the guy that plays the douchenozzle twins in "Social Network." Snow White is played by Lily Collins, a relative unknown. This version is a COMEDY.
Something about all this makes me super ragey. Although PMS might have something to do with it. Also: I wrenched my neck something fierce yesterday and didn't sleep last night partly because some bitch named Leanne called me twice at two in the morning looking for her crack dealer, Art, and partly because my neck is really in severe pain. Conclusion: I'm in kind of a shitty mood to begin with.
In any case, please take a look at these trailers and then emphatically agree with me in the comments section that it is super freaking idiotic that two Snow White movies are coming out this year. Thank you, and goodbye.