Monday, December 05, 2011

Bullet points - holiday edition

  • I am going to finish the book by the end of this year. This may mean I may need to go dark for a while and be even more hermit-esque than usual.
  • I started a diet Saturday. What, December's not a good time to start a diet? 
  • I'm afraid to look at the New Year's resolution list I compiled last December. 
  • I am going to a cookie party tonight. What, a cookie party isn't a good thing to go to when you're on a diet? 
  • I lost six pounds in two days. It's the Southbeach diet. Yes, I realize this is sort of amazing/disgusting/shameful/awesomesauce. 
  • If I don't finish the book by the end of the year, I'm going to finish myself. Imma go live with the fishies, ya see?
  • The only resolution I recall that I kept was to get pregnant, and that didn't work out. Balls.
  • Some day I'm going to write a book titled: "This was a lot harder than I expected." It'll be out in 2076, when I'm 98 years old.
  • The cookies I made for the cookie party tonight are meh. They're OK. Thankfully. If they were awesome, I'd need to eat them. Long story short: I'm not winning the cookie contest. 
  • Why I feel compelled to tell the internet every time I start a new diet is beyond me. It's obviously a bad idea. Not the diet -- the publicizing of the diet. 
  • If I see you at the cookie party, don't mention the diet, ok? 
  • Giuliana is having a double mastectomy. I know I'm not supposed to give a shit about famous people, but I feel for this woman. 
  • I think "clean the junk room out" was on the resolution list. Oh, BALLS. 
  • I've had a headache since Saturday. I assume this is me detoxing off sugar. 
  • What is the deal with mid-season television finales? I call bull shit.
  • You guys, I'm about to become AN AUNT. Ohmagawww.
  • I don't want to pay $14.99 to read 1Q84 on my Kindle, but I'm going to, aren't I? After I finish writing that fucking book!
  • I'm never going to write another book as long as I live.  
  • I haven't bought a single Christmas gift. BALLS.
  • I take it back. I'll probably write another book. Because I like pain and being a loser. And also being rejected.  
  • I've been thinking seriously about working for a large liquor store. I mean, cheap wine, right?