Bullet points - holiday edition

• I am going to finish the book by the end of this year. This may mean I may need to go dark for a while and be even more hermit-esque than usual.

• I started a diet Saturday. What, December's not a good time to start a diet? 

• I'm afraid to look at the New Year's resolution list I compiled last December. 

• I am going to a cookie party tonight. What, a cookie party isn't a good thing to go to when you're on a diet? 

• I lost six pounds in two days. It's the Southbeach diet. Yes, I realize this is sort of amazing/disgusting/shameful/awesomesauce. 

• If I don't finish the book by the end of the year, I'm going to finish myself. Imma go live with the fishies, ya see?

• The only resolution I recall that I kept was to get pregnant, and that didn't work out. Balls.

• Some day I'm going to write a book titled: "This was a lot harder than I expected." It'll be out in 2076, when I'm 98 years old.

• The cookies I made for the cookie party tonight are meh. They're OK. Thankfully. If they were awesome, I'd need to eat them. Long story short: I'm not winning the cookie contest. 

• Why I feel compelled to tell the internet every time I start a new diet is beyond me. It's obviously a bad idea. Not the diet -- the publicizing of the diet. 

• If I see you at the cookie party, don't mention the diet, ok? 

• Giuliana is having a double mastectomy. I know I'm not supposed to give a shit about famous people, but I feel for this woman. 

• I think "clean the junk room out" was on the resolution list. Oh, BALLS. 

• I've had a headache since Saturday. I assume this is me detoxing off sugar. 

• What is the deal with mid-season television finales? I call bull shit.

• You guys, I'm about to become AN AUNT. Ohmagawww.

• I don't want to pay $14.99 to read 1Q84 on my Kindle, but I'm going to, aren't I? After I finish writing that fucking book!

• I'm never going to write another book as long as I live.  

• I haven't bought a single Christmas gift. BALLS.

• I take it back. I'll probably write another book. Because I like pain and being a loser. And also being rejected.  

• I've been thinking seriously about working for a large liquor store. I mean, cheap wine, right?