Monday, September 19, 2011

New Day

The miscarriage happened conveniently over the weekend -- convenient because my husband was with me. We'd been worried it might start in the middle of the afternoon during the week and I'd have to call him and he'd drive like a madman to get to me.

It was a teensy bit inconvenient in that it started at 3 a.m. Sunday and ended(ish) at 6 a.m. but thankfully we didn't have any commitments and slept until noon after that.

I'm waiting until Wednesday to get into the nitty gritty details of the miscarriage itself, so I can post it to Tired & Stuck, which I'll of course link to here. Lots of you may not want to know those things, anyway, so all I'll say for now about it is that as much as I understood what was going to happen, I was physically and mentally unprepared for how it felt.

And I will say that now that it's over, I feel physically a lot better, albeit a little worn out. Mentally/emotionally there's a lot of relief. 

And I feel like starting today, I have a chance for a fresh start. Not to have a baby -- that's something I still have faith will happen at some point, but not soon. It's more that I feel I have a second chance to prove to myself that I'm not a slacker, and can make things happen in my life.

Anyone can make amazing things happen in their life if they work hard enough. I believe I really hadn't been putting forth enough effort in many areas of my life. I can hardly expect to be rewarded for what amounts to being a really impressive procrastinator.

So this is where I'm at mentally, today. It's a much better place than I was last week, when the lawns were dying. Well, the lawns are still dying, but I'm putting that on my list of things to stop procrastinating about.

I'm drafting my action plan with paper and pen; listing problem areas and the baby steps that are necessary to kill those problems. I imagine there will be many more posts about these issues and their resolutions in the very near future.

And now, as a woman I follow on Twitter wrote this morning: "New day, new day, new day. Got that, universe? New day."


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