Scattered

You guys. With BlogHer coming up and the rest of August looking fairly insane, I feel like I have attention deficit disorder. So: bullet points.

• I'm reading a book called "The Diet Cure" that claims to be able to cure carbohydrate addiction and improve mood problems and PMS using amino acids. I'm skeptical, but I'll keep you posted. 

• Have I mentioned BlogHer is next week?! I've got all this nervous energy about it, and keep eating to soothe myself. I'm grazing all day. To ensure I'm as fat and bloated as possible for BlogHer. 

• I bought some clothes for BlogHer, and I'm second-guessing some of them. The friend I went shopping with asked me, "Now are you really going to wear that?" This was regarding a cute jersey dress. Me and dresses are not usually friends. I need to think about this. 

• Also happening in August: our neighborhood block party. Our neighborhood watch captain has been heading up this effort for the last eight years or so. We all get together on the neighbor's lawn and say passive-aggressive things about each other's houses. 

• I am still writing a book. Shoot me. 

• I am also doing Facercise. Well. I was doing Facercise and then I stopped and I think I should start back up again. I have no idea if it helps ... my face. I think it must. I think my nose looks shorter? I might be insane. 

• Also happening in August: My husband's birthday. He is the hardest person on the planet to shop for, aside from my dad. 

•  I mentioned on Twitter -- I had a dream (a nightmare really) about BlogHer: It was dark, and everyone hated me, although I didn't know why. This is probably exactly how it will play out.

• Also happening in August: I am "hosting" a bridal shower. I use quotation marks because my responsibilities as it pertains to the shower are fairly small -- I am basically supposed to make sure the house does not look disgusting, and make a salad. Not being in charge is the bomb. 

• I am also reading book 4 in the Game of Thrones series. Slog much? Sheezus. Can I get on to the dragon-y one already? 

• There is a lot of information in the world about which foods are good for you and which are not. The only things everyone seems to agree on: Organic is good for you. Sugar and processed foods are bad. Amen. 

• The checkout lady at a certain clothing store where I purchased certain clothes for a certain blogging conference was rather rude. What is it with retail people being so damn rude these days? You are being paid, yes? I have not been rude to you, no? Then fucking suck it up and smile.

• I wish I had planted a garden this year. 

• One of my new "treasures" from the haul from my parents house: A cute silver counter-top composter. This may not end well.  

• Every Friday the retired men in my neighborhood gather on my next door neighbor's porch to shoot the shit for several hours. I don't know why this entertains me so. No, I do not live in the American South. I live in the hellish suburban sprawl of the SF bay area. 

• Today's organic fruit/veggie delivery included: Lettuce, corn, basil, grapes, summer squash, red plums, green beans, and a cucumber. The most delightful delivery yet!

• At some point I need to do a vlog for next week. Yuuugggghhhhhh......

• Oh cripes I need some sun so I don't look like the walking dead at BlogHer next week. Related: "The Diet Cure" says you should try to get sun without wearing sunglasses every day to increase your serotonin. This is the first time I've heard of the sunglasses thing.

• I wonder if I'm going to get all sweaty and shaky and nervous when I meet my favorite bloggers. When I met Ree Drummond at a book signing I basically slipped into a coma and then afterward was like, "What happened? Did I meet her? How did it go?" 

• I might need new shoes and I definitely need a mani-pedi. Last night I dreamed I was scheduling my mani-pedi. Because I'm insane. 

• There are definitely too many bullet points in this post. 

• I am worried my phone will run out of juice at BlogHer. Should I bring a laptop?...

• I plan to stop writing new bullet points very soon. 

• Oh my goodness, wait until you hear about my newest fertility plan. Suffice to say a certain friend's father is like a fertility guru or something, so I'm going to give his technique a try. You have to wait until next week's Tired & Stuck post to hear more. 

• At any given moment in my neighborhood, someone is using a power tool or mowing their lawn. 

• Goodbye.