Monday, May 23, 2011

The next crazy (sexy) diet (OR Save Me From Myself)

So let's just call this next nutty adventure exactly what it is:

A raw, vegan, gluten-free, 21-day cleanse that promotes meditation, "dry-brushing," and enemas. 

I'll admit that when I got to the chapter in Kris Carr's "Crazy Sexy Diet" titled "The ABCs of Enemas," I wanted to:

1) barf
2) laugh
3) throw the book in the fireplace, followed by a lit match.

But what I realize about this book (which I discovered via The Token Fat Girl last week) is that you've got to take it with a grain of salt. The author is a cancer survivor who understandably went to great lengths to find out each and every good thing she could do to make her body as healthy as possible. You obviously don't need to have cancer to want to be as healthy as possible, but you might be a little less motivated to insert an enema hose in your ass otherwise.

CSD makes a lot of promises about what can happen if you go raw/vegan/gluten-free/etc. Here are just a few:

1) You will crap like a champ every day, probably multiple times a day.
2) Your skin will clear up.
3) You'll have buttloads of energy.
4) You'll have less cellulite.
5) You'll sprout wings and fly to your new home atop the nearest Whole Foods, where you and the rest of the smug vegans will live whilst shaking their heads judgmentally at the muffin-toppers waddling in and out of the store. (I have a bit of an inferiority complex when it comes to Whole Foods)

Also, your PH will balance out. (More on this on Wednesday when I post for Tired & Stuck.)

So, the 21-day cleanse involves a lot of juicing of vegetables and eating of vegetables and blending of vegetables. I've done something similar before, although it wasn't nearly as long -- it was only seven days. And it wasn't vegan. You can read about it here: I lost more than 10 pounds on that one.

Of course, the 10 pounds came roaring back, and then some. As I constantly harp, every diet has an equal and opposite (if not greater) binge and gain. Therefore is it wise for me to embark on a 21-day vegan cleanse?

I honestly am not sure. What I am fantasizing about is becoming a vegetarian who juices on a regular basis. Because what I discovered on the juice cleanse I tried in '09 was that when I drink freshly juiced veggies, I am not hungry for a loooong time. Maybe the body is receiving the nutrients it needs through juice, and then it's saying: Thanks, I've had enough. No more food needed for a while.

Is becoming a vegetarian -- or maybe even a vegan -- realistic? Possibly not. I'd only be vegan by default. Carr says if you give only one thing up, make it dairy. Allergies, eczema, asthma, arthritis, inflammation and zits can all be linked to dairy, Carr writes. Not to mention the plethora of other illnesses linked to over-consumption of protein in general.

I think I can do no meat. No dairy is harder. No gluten is a cinch -- I usually do that anyway due to my husband's gluten allergy. Enemas are a whole other ball of wax I can't even think about right now.

So what I've decided to do this week is to gear up to start the cleanse next week. I'm going to detox off coffee, dairy and meat this week, and then try going full tilt with the juicing, etc, starting next Tuesday (Tuesday because every seventh day of the cleanse involves a juice "fast" and I don't want to be fasting on Sundays).

I'm also going to need this week to help myself plan my husband's meals while I'm doing this crazy thing (I'm the Kitchen Manager and Chef 'round these parts -- it's the one thing I'm anal retentive about). He is not entertained by the notion of becoming a vegetarian, although he's rather open to the idea of doing away with dairy -- probably because he has a sensitivity to it that wreaks havoc on his insides. In any case, he'll be wanting some meat, while I chow down on giant salads.

Whatever ends up happening, I think 21 days is doable and will hopefully give me some insight into how I could be eating on a normal basis. I don't think it's going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination. I regularly fantasize about cheeseburgers and hot fudge sundaes, so going raw/vegan doesn't come naturally, to put it lightly. But with my weight continuing to be out of control, my skin erupting in break-outs, and a feeling of general malaise and fatigue for a great portion of any given day, this is absolutely worth a shot.

No comments:

Post a Comment