Wednesday, April 13, 2011

They're All Gonna Laugh At You

Yesterday was a bad, dark, no-good day. I don't know why I even bother to interact with others on days like that. It's a bad idea, and probably just makes everyone I come into contact with feel like crap.

Yesterday, I had come to the conclusion that everything I am trying to do in my life, I am failing at. I feel hugely insecure about the book. I'll probably need to get a real job soon, which is unfortunate since I've decided I hate real jobs and dislike a vast majority of people. I can't manage to lose weight. My blog sucks. My house is not the home I want it to be. My reproductive organs won't reproduce. Everyone is probably judging me.

I have only this handful of things to worry about and take care of, and every single one of them is being terribly mishandled. At least, that's how I felt yesterday.

Today is a little better. I still feel hugely insecure and irritated with myself (not to mention insanely hormonal), but as always, perspective is everything. Me and my first world problems -- the poor fat girl who gets to stay home and write a book, right?

So anyway, all that to say -- today I have a post on Tired & Stuck, where I explain why I'm looking forward to my next cycle. I may have also cursed out my vagina. See you there.


  1. 1. everyone feels insecure when they're trying something new. especially when it's something that has the potential to be really embarrassing (like doing karaoke) (or writing a book).

    2. ugh, i got nothing to say about the "real job" thing. there are so many people and so little jobs, there isn't even an option to be picky about employment these days. but at least you'll HAVE a job, which is already more than some people.

    3. maybe you can't lose weight bc you're stressed about your current baby situation. i know everyones advice is to calm down (that won't be my advice though bc i hate that shit), but maybe if you and your husband try to do more physical FUN activities, that might be the two birds, one stone thingie. -like evening walks, playing tennis, or whatever else it is that healthy people do.

    4. your blog (both of them, actually) is GREAT and i love reading your entries. your arguement here holds no water.

    5. reproducing organs can be real assholes sometimes. until you get pregnant, there's going to be a lot on your mind. you should take advantage of this time and do all the things you can't do when you're pregnant/ have kids- amusement park rides, vacations, eat expensive dinners at fancy restaurants that don't even offer kids menus, etc.

    things will get better. probably even within a few days when you get out of PMSville and think to yourself "wtf was that about last week...?" (i use this line every month)

  2. I love reading your blog. And I will love reading your book. Eff real jobs.

    And you don't have to lose weight. You're beautiful. But if you really want to, I agree about the evening walks. Dane and I used to do that and it really helped metabolize dinner AND I would sleep better.

    I can't lose weight right now either but I think that's more to do with Portland winters, all my friends like to drink A LOT, and anti depressants.So I totally feel you. But whatever. Be healthy. That's more important than being skinny.

  3. Tilte - You're right! I know it. And next week I will totally be like, "Isn't life wonderful? I'm the luckiest girl in the world!" I really will be, no joke. Thank you for saying everything you did -- I am feeling the love.

    Kiala - Thank you. And agreed: Eff real jobs. I definitely want the "healthy" thing more than the "skinny" thing. I'm just trying to find the button in my brain that's going to make it all happen.

  4. :) Ugh. I could have written several of these sentences.

    When my OB looked at me and said "Fat is metabolically active and screws up your estrogen, so try to lose 15 pounds", I wanted to punch his pretty face.

    I am totally jealous of your month off, though. I am trying to lose the OCD. :)

  5. You curse out your vagina? Ok, this I gotta see!
    And your blog does not suck! Stop that. I don't like dispensing advice...oh, who we kidding of course I do!...but negative self-talk will drag you down...ok, climbing off my soapbox.

  6. Wildology - The crazy thing is I know plenty of people who are overweight/obese who have managed to have multiple children. I can't think about that too long or it makes me cuckoo.

    Sandra - Thank you - it's just the PMS! Luckily my period arrived this morning in full force and my hormones should be quieting down shortly. :-)