Thursday, March 10, 2011

Off my game

No worries, I am still ATTACKING weight loss and book-writing like a champ.

But I am at a loss here on the blog, a little writer's-block-esque. And I think I know why.


Or the lack thereof.

See, you may recall that my normal modus operandi is to eat chocolate every day? The reasons for this were:

1) I love chocolate. It completes me.

2) Chocolate makes me happy. Oh, did I say that already?

3) I am utterly, completely, hopelessly addicted to chocolate.

So, since no successful diet I've ever been on included nightly chocolate consumption, I cut it out. Until Monday, my husband and I had been snacking on dark chocolate M&Ms every night. We started this habit maybe a month ago. Before that, we'd been eating real dark chocolate, that 70% cocoa stuff, which is undoubtedly a lot healthier for you. Sometimes we'd get peanut butter M&Ms (I have an unhealthy obsession with peanut butter that is probably a topic for a different post), and occasionally we'd have ice cream, but mainly it's been these crack-tastic dark chocolate M&Ms.

Since Monday, I've been sitting forlornly on the couch with my "dessert" - a cup of tea. My husband has a bit of a wild look in his eye, like he might tear his shirt off and sprint to Safeway for a bag of M&Ms. I've been feeding him fruit, but I'm afraid it's not quite appeasing his addiction.

At this point you are probably thinking one of two things. Either:

1) Suck it up, tubby.


2) Just eat the damn chocolate already. Moderation, dummy!

To which I answer:

1) I would love to. Give me another couple weeks and I'm sure I'll have kicked it.

2) *face punch* Moderation doesn't work for me. Deprivation has proven successful in the past, though.

Anyway, all that to say, every time I try to think of a topic to write about, I can only think, "Chocolate chocolate. Chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate."

It's like I am a piece of chocolate and I climbed into a portal in my own brain and everyone in my subconscious has chocolate bars for heads and all they say is "Chocolate chocolate?"

Which sounds suspiciously like a portion of the movie Being John Malkovich, which is a real treasure, if you haven't seen it.

I tried to find you video of that scene, and what I found was this, which is that scene, but with just the music. You get the idea, though. Malkovich malkovich?

Incidentally, in finding that video, I learned that the scene directly following this one -- the one where the drunk guy throws a beer can at Malkovich's head and yells, "Hey Malkovich! Think fast!" Was completely unscripted. Some impostor drunk guy threw an actual can of beer at Malkovich's head, and Malkovich's reaction was so awesome they decided to keep it.

Anyway. Chocolate.

I mean, goodbye.


  1. I must have some form of chocolate every day, or I become crazy. More so than usual. I generally keep a stash of something that I can limit myself to, and that are not horrifically bad for me, like 100-calorie dark chocolate bars from TJs, or skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. There have been times when I have eaten handfuls of year-old chocolate chips I found in the back of the pantry (perhaps a previous attempt to save myself from myself) because that was all I could find - sheer desperation. That is one thing I could never give up. Ever.

  2. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'd almost forgotten about the chocolate chips in the cupboard..... :-)