Monday, February 07, 2011

Weekend scenes

It was a record-breaking 77 degrees here yesterday and 75 on Saturday. We did bike Saturday, but I'm afraid it didn't get anywhere near to making up for the calorie-consumption festival that was Superbowl Sunday. Also, there was a trip to Sizzler in there somewhere.

Yes, I said Sizzler.

I hadn't been in about 20 years, and my parents had a coupon (don't get me started) so we converged upon one of the only Sizzlers that wasn't closed 15 years ago due to the population's sheer hatred of Sizzler restaurants.

In case you're wondering, nothing has changed at Sizzler in the last 20 years.

Nobody salads like Sizzler. Really? I can think of at least four salad bars that are better, off the top of my head. Also, taking a bit of a liberty by turning the word salad into a verb, aren't we?

Long story short, my brother-in-law almost went postal and my husband and I almost left the restaurant before we even ordered and my dad's lips all but disappeared, which is the facial expression he takes on when aggravated or dispensing unwanted advice.

But we all stayed and enjoyed our meals, to the extent that you can enjoy a hamburger that has two bone fragments in it. And I only ate half.

Sizzler -- you will rue the day you crossed me!!

Anyway. Then yesterday was the Superbowl of course. And we had beef fajita nachos and chicken strips and cookies and beers and wine and there was a veggie platter in there somewhere, and guacamole and Doritos and some other stuff but it's all a blur.

And it was warm. All the windows open warm. The last time my team won the Superbowl was 1989 and it was cold. I distinctly remember it.

And now it is Monday and Jillian Michaels is laughing at me. I can hear her. I am going to kick your big white butt is what she's saying. She doesn't like when I overeat.


  1. At the Sizzler near LAX ...

    Automated, touch screen kiosks to order food. Corporate America's phasing out of the mouth breather who takes your order. And guaranteed to confuse anyone over the age of 50.

    A TV proclaiming the benefits of Sizzler and its food. Why do I need a TV to hype the restaurant I'm in and showing fried shrimp that don't look like tempura ass? It's almost as useless as the gas station TVs.

    The servant who brings your order finds a way to screw it up. A potato with just butter you ordered? No, you need some sour cream, chives, and some other goop.

    Forty people waiting for those chicken wings on the salad bar, which seems to be the only thing emptying out.

    HONORED GUESTS. A phrase that will have every senior citizen looking for their deals feeling left out, confused, angry. "No Dad, your steak deal is now there. Honored guests. It's the only things at $7.99."

  2. Bizarre. I forgot to mention the camera that was pointed at the salad bar. THEY ARE WATCHING YOU GET YOUR SALAD! Better be on your best salad-getting behavior!

  3. Oh my God, a coworker and I were just debating whether or not Sizzler still exists! I guess so! I haven't seen one in AGES.

  4. I honestly thought they'd gone out of business many years ago. But it seems they just closed many of their restaurants but kept all the ones near the choicest (read: trashiest) trailer parks open. The clientele are interesting, to be kind.

  5. I have a recovering alcoholic friend who swears the only way they are still in business is that so may AA meetings are held there. I know, bizarre. I guess there is something about giving up booze that makes you crave malibu chicken.

  6. When Julian Michaels says that "400 lb people can do jumping jacks," she's look right at you, lil lady. Feel the burn! It's fear (and guacamole) leaving your body!!

  7. Jillian is totally scary. I'm thinking about buying one of her food books, but I'm worried she will come alive from the cover and kick my ass when I try to eat past 7pm, or when I try to eat Frankenfood of one type or another. Eek!

  8. Freaking SIzzler!?!?! AHHHHHAhahaaaaaa! You poor, poor woman.

    And yes, superbowl, talk about a diet FAILURE.

    I even made the food myself in hopes to make it healthier, WHICH I DID. But when you eat 5x more than necessary, the low calorie doesn't really matter. DAMMIT!