I spend most days alone, and most days the phone doesn't ring and I don't leave the cluttered little hole I write in and those are good things because it used to be that too many phones were ringing and too many people were talking and too many answers were needed.
It was bad for my chi.
But some days hours tick by and I haven't said a word, not even to the cats, and then someone will call or my husband will open the door and I will croak hello like Gollum, a hermit with little reason to speak, although I think Gollum used to prattle on to himself about his precious.
Every now and then I tell my cat Murray he is my precious and that if I can't have babies he will be my furry baby but he will need to learn to stop chewing on my camera bag goddamnit.
The time changed, not to mention the weather has changed and the sun was already setting drastically earlier than I realized it had been, which is what happens when you don't take note of the sunset. I set out for a walk at 5:15 p.m. and the light was late dusk and I'd never walked this route before but had mapped it and wrote directions on an old envelope, which was in my pocket. But a few moments later it was dark and I was noticing a lack of street lamps and squinting at signs and holding up my crumpled envelope with directions on it, right on Rombeau, and I crunched over leaves and it was cold. They say this year the coast should be cold, it's a La Nina year.
I smelled dog poop and worried I'd stepped in it and smiled because last time I spoke to Christina she was taking her customary walk through a Los Gatos neighborhood on her lunch break and she stepped in dog poop and said this was the second time this had happened in about a week and if you knew her this would not be surprising. In the midst of a conversation she often pauses to explain something she is looking at. These people have a piano on their front porch. I don't know if she's ever said that but it sounds like something she would say.
My head hurts today. It is allergies. My doctor said take antihistamines and a nasal spray every day and do a saline rinse every couple of days but I don't do any of it and the result is that at any given moment I can hear my heart beating in my ears.
It's cold again and I'm in my hole and my hair is wet and I'm muttering out loud to myself and listening to the thung thung thung in my left ear. I think I'll do it again today, the writing and the walking but today I'll leave earlier and maybe the sun won't leave too soon and I can spy on the neighbors appropriately rather than slip like a shadow past their front yards.