Monday, August 30, 2010

The Pink Lady

I distinctly recall thinking to myself yesterday that I would not apply sunblock to my arms because ALERT! ALERT! Vitamin D deficiency!! Never mind skin cancer, yesterday I would intentionally expose my unprotected skin to the sun's rays in order to stock up on Vitamin D, and maybe in small part to appease Vain Erin, who doesn't give a fig about skin cancer and would like a tan.

It's a known fact that tan skin camouflages cellulite.

Also, everyone knows that morning-time sun does not burn skin as readily as afternoon sun does, right? Or so I believed, as I had not exposed my unprotected skin to morning sun in many moons. Somehow -- and I'm not sure how -- a friend convinced me to get up at 6 a.m. on a Sunday to attend the hugest garage sale I have ever seen. (The sale items looked suspiciously like the items I plan to sell in my own upcoming garage sale, so I elected NOT to add any extra treasures to my already formidable pile of crap.)

So. As it turns out, standing in the sun at any time of day for however many hours will likely result in a punishing sunburn, especially if someone's 25% Mexican blood went AWOL when someone reached the age of 13, making cellulite-camouflaging tan skin impossible to obtain at the exact moment that someone started to really need it.

Also, someone's new organic SPF 50 face lotion does not work, as someone's face is now the approximate color of a cranberry.

On the bright side, I elected to take only one Vitamin D pill last night, as I observed my red everything in the mirror. Take that, traitorous deficient blood!


  1. Owch. I hope you're slathering your skin in aloe vera today!

  2. Umm, the vitamin D thing is about 10 minutes in the sun. And you did great with the garage sale! No good comes of BUYING at them... only SELLING at your own is a good thing!

  3. Dude I'm German and I tanned! lol...