Monday, August 02, 2010

Meat-tastic

I am cat-sitting. And plant sitting, and stuff. The other day I went out to water the tomato plants and a disturbing scene presented itself. A mouse had eaten half a tomato and then drowned itself in the pool. I flung the mouse and the tomato over the fence (never fear -- the yard borders a vacant hillside).

This is Bo. Or Beau. However you'd like to spell it. He's the frisky kitty I'm petting while his owner frolicks in Maui.

Today I started a new diet. No carbs. I need some kind of miracle to stick to it.

Everyone who comes to my house asks, "Did you just move in?" Because it looks like we just moved in, what with all of the boxes and lack of decor.

And I always hem and haw -- Well we've been in a while but we're trying to finish some big projects....

Fact is, we are lazy. Is there a word that means beyond lazy? Slothful, perhaps. Procrastinators galore. Indolence rules here.

I tell my husband, I'm embarrassed that everyone keeps asking if we just moved in. 

And he very sagely says, This is all within your control to change. 

I have this look: a cocked eyebrow, straight-mouthed, flared nostril look that I use to respond to certain statements. This look was captured on my drivers license, and my husband will stare at it when he needs a good laugh. No, I won't post it here. Speaking of embarrassing things.

Instead, I recreated it for you:

Imagine my husband sitting stage left, and perhaps, actual laser beams coming out of my eyeballs. Ignore the jowls -- I spent last week eating only fast food, for which I will be punished accordingly this week. The jowls are actually part of the beauty of this expression, which is passed down from a long line of Swedish women. Normally I am actually adorable, of course.

Case in point.

 Be ye fish, or be ye pirate? 


 Come hither. 


We're not in property management any more!



 Nope, we're self-employed! We know how to put off important things. 


 Photo Booth, how do I love thee. Thou dost amuse me so. 


Lest there was any concern over my ability to embarrass myself.

5 comments:

  1. If you think about it, death by tomato juice pool is a pretty romantic way to go. Much more romantic than death by trans fats via fast food. Which is probably how I'll die on account of my undying love of french fries.

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  2. Your mouse and tomato story is quite the visual. Regards to messy houses, ask Christina about our guest room and the desk int he kitchen.

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  3. You make me laugh. But if it makes you feel any better, the only hung pictures in our home are Jason's signed baseball/football stuff. No personal pictures.

    At all. I've been meaning to hang some for, oh ... THREE YEARS now.

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  4. No carbs? I would rather just amputate an arm.

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