Some time about a thousand years ago (in blogging years) I promised that if I hit a certain benchmark, I would video blog, thereby subjecting all unfortunate readers who stumble upon this blog to my really, really big head/face and the grating sound of my voice.
The benchmark was this: Either 100 Twitter followers, 100 unique blog hits or 100 Facebook fans.
Not exactly a huge goal, but one that nonetheless seemed improbable, given that at the time I think I had 23 Twitter followers, 23 unique blog hits and 23 Facebook fans. All have grown impressively this year as I've had more time to devote to the blog, but none so much as Twitter, which currently says I have 97 followers.
I have never asked for more followers or more hits or more fans because I never wanted to actually fulfill my promise, since we all know that even the most successful and attractive bloggers are straight up awkward on video. That is why we write, duh. We have faces for radio.
The problem is that Twitter is so ... networky ... that when you follow someone, particularly if they are following or being followed by people who follow you or who you follow (do you follow me?), they will probably follow you back. Hence the 97 followers.
I don't even know what I would say in a video blog. I could point out the asymmetrial nature of my eyebrows. I could wear a wig. I could sing a song, poorly. I could introduce the cats. I could surround myself with creepy dollies and just stare into the camera without saying a word. I could eat lunch on camera. Just 10 minutes of me eating a sandwich.
All of those sound really awesome, probably.
Which is why I probably should not get any more followers on Twitter. I need time to think about this, and also lose 15 pounds so my head shrinks a little.
Ok? So if you do not follow me, please continue doing that. If you are following me, please consider unfollowing me. What, really, are you gaining by following me? Not a lot, I promise.
In fact, I may begin a campaign to lose followers by posting offensive and boring Tweets, especially Tweets about kid poop, even though there's no kid poop around. I'll say there is and describe it in all of its noxious detail. You wouldn't want that, would you?
All right. I'm glad we agree on that.
P.S. Good news!! As of 5 p.m. today I am down to 96 followers!