Thursday, June 24, 2010

Phoning it in

I am completely blocked today, therefore all I can offer is this list. I know. Two lists in one week. This is getting a little embarrassing.

1. I started a diet today.

2. I will never eat eggs Benedict or swordfish in a restaurant ever again.

3. Because have you read "Kitchen Confidential"?


5. I bought nine bottles of wine yesterday.

6. And now I'm on a diet.

7. Which means I can't drink wine. Sort of.

8. People I follow on Twitter keep posting links to other blog posts about how to be a successful blogger.

9. It is becoming increasingly clear to me that I am never going to be a "successful" blogger.

10. If, by successful, you mean profitable.

11. I wanted to leave a nasty comment on one of the blog posts. Because the writer was sort of wrong.

12. But I didn't. Because I'm a wuss.

13. And the other 137 comments were like, "OMG You are so brilliant." Gag me.

14. When, Lord? When may I have my own Kitchenaid mixer?

15. Never mind. I am on a diet.

16. I am attending a wedding in a little over a week. It will probably be the bombest wedding ever.

17. Bombest means best.

18. I was invited to go camping this week, and I didn't go. Because I hate camping.

19. I think I'm going to eat half an apple now.


  1. I agree with most of the comments regarding blogging, but I cant post them.....because Im a wuss.... sorry couldnt resist.
    BTW ....... I think your BLOGARIFFIC!

  2. Half an apple? Good luck with all that.

    It really pisses me off when people act like all you need to do is write a certain way and you'll be successful which is BULLSHIT because I write just fine and I'm still poor as the day is long. :) I'm also too wussy to disagree. :(

  3. I think that you are adorable. And the diet? I eat a ton of veggies (read: fiber makes you full) and take shots (read: shots less calories than wine) and end up really really drunk and thin. Try it!! I should write a book...

  4. 3. YES, I have and...
    4. YES, it was.
    5. I'll be happy to take them off your hands.
    14. Can I have one too? Please?

  5. Damn! I just sold my old kitchenaid. If I had known, I would've given it to you!

  6. Sometimes I want to leave people nasty comments and then realize that it will ruin my web-appearance as the nicest person in the history of the world.


    Good luck with the diet. I keep on thinking that I should start again since I still have about 30 more pounds to go (my goal of under 120 seems kind of unrealistic right now)...but then I sit here instead of working out.! Oh the humanity! (totally not applicable)

  7. Hahaha! Funny stuff. You should go eat a whole apple. And some peanut butter. You deserve it.

  8. MMH - thank you darlin'. The feeling is mutual.

    Amanda - there is some elusive secret ingredient out there that springboards bloggers to superstardom, but hell if I care anyway. Also, you write splendidly, and hilariously.

    LSLW - I like your MO, I think it's worth a shot. ;-)

    OBG: I'm saving my wine for a wine emergency.

    Katie - it's OK. I'm dieting. If I had a fancy mixer I would make something ridiculous, like donuts.

    erin - It sounds like you are at a very reasonable weight already! Also, maybe we should try to establish new identities as the biggest bitches the interwebs has ever seen.

    FL - I do love me some apples & peanut butter. I did break down later & ate a smidgen of chocolate. :-)

  9. I've also come to the realization that as much as I like blogging, I'm never going to be 'great' at it. Because, really, how can you be when you try to have a life outside your apartment? I don't know... My posts are far from "oh my God, you're brilliant."
    And as far as dieting is concerned, I've been trying to get on that for months now. No self-discipline. So good luck :-)
    And thank you for leaving a comment on my blog. I like what you wrote, it made me feel better!

  10. You slay me. And I hate camping too. Why would I 'rough it' when there's a perfectly comfortable bed in my room?

    Not to mention the havoc it would bring on the kid's sleep schedule! So.Not.Worth.It.

  11. Yes, I have read Kitchen Confidential, and this was after I finished culinary school & had just had a nightmare experience working in a bakery where I'd hoped to apprentice. I wound up hospitalized & on medication & I got rid of the book because it was too depressing for me after all that.