Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Hello, Vuvuzela

So look, you guys.

I didn't care about soccer before, and I don't care about it now, even though I'm completely aware that I'm supposed to be pretending that I care and updating my twitter and facebook statuses with "GOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!" or similarly obnoxious phrases.

For this, I apologize.

The closest I ever came to paying even the remotest bit of attention to soccer was when my boyfriend during my freshman year of high school played soccer and he would ignore the shit out of me after he lost a game, and that is how I figured out that men are dumb.

Just kidding!

But they kind of are.

That guy became a cop.

Much later in life, I read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and I think that book right there contains just about everything that either sex needs to know about the other.

After he loses his game, he needs to go sit in his man-cave. When he comes out, he will be fine. He does not want to discuss his feelings. End of story.

I also do not watch hockey, although I will certainly watch it if someone invites me to sit in their luxury box and plies me with alcohol for a few hours. I realize that the fact that the USA made it to the final game of the Olympics means that I am supposed to now enjoy hockey, but the simple fact is that I could not care any less. This probably means I am a traitor to my country.

Also -- and this may upset you -- but ALSO! I hate baseball. I really, really hate it. You're probably thinking I am exaggerating, but I have to tell you: I really detest it.

It is the most boring sport on the face of the planet. If given the opportunity to watch baseball live, even if I am plied with beers for a few hours, I honestly would prefer to go to the gynecologist. At least papsmears are quick and afterward I can go eat a donut or something.

Baseball on television is interminable. Baseball live is annoying. I can't just ignore it and chow on a hot dog because I might get beamed in the head by a foul ball.

When I interned in Florida, I was allowed to attend as many spring training games as I wanted. And I know there are people who spend lots of money and plan entire vacations around spring training. I went to one game and almost died of boredom. I did not go to any more after that. 

Now, predictably, here are the "sports" I enjoy watching: Swimming, ice skating, skiing, track, football (but only when the SJSU Spartans or the SF 49ers are playing. Otherwise, snoozefest), and swamp buggy racing. 

In case you wondered.

And that is all.

P.S. I also hate basketball.


  1. Occasionally I will follow someone on Twitter or email them through my blog and then not realize that they too have a blog and wont' visit, and then I do and I'm like OMG THIS IS HILARIOUS. So that's how I feel right now.

    I literally could not care any less about soccer. Seriously. Like I just skim through those status updates. Why should I care? I love America, apple pie, hot dogs and flags. Do I have to love it when they win a World Cup game, too?

    Baseball -- ugh -- hubby loves it so freaking much and I'm all MEH. He has this baseball package on TV and it's ALWAYS on. Give me a break!

    GYNO any day!

  2. Just cut to the chase and say it: I hate men. ;)

  3. She hates autocross too if the ear-piercing screams were any indication.

  4. Amanda - Oh, I pity you, poor woman. Hopefully you are exacting your revenge with Sex and the City-type viewings.

    Ben - love ya!! ;-)

    Babe - yeah, I almost included F1, Nascar, autocross, motocross, but those are just slightly more tolerable. But still: boring as shit. Love ya!

  5. Hahaha. Funny stuff. I have to agree... somewhat. I do like soccer but pretty much only world cup time. It's just a byproduct of the London days. Baseball is boring as hell on TV but going to a game can be fun (probably because of the food/drink involved). Basketball (esp. college!) and hockey - lost on me. LOVE football but it took me a while. Racing, strangely, I can get into. Can't explain it.

    Also, off topic, do you think you could have a post about then/than? People need to be educated. :) Thanks.

  6. I'm not into watching sports either and thankfully neither does my husband. However, I do enjoy participating in sports. I'm probably the only one in the world who is not following the world cup.

  7. Most of those sports you like you could do, or you have an emotional attachment to (SJSU). Makes sense. Women usually like hockey - I think it's because it has to do with finding Eurotrash or lumberjacks sexy.

    Blood or bettable is my criteria for sports. Hockey, horse racing and boxing are my choice. Football falls in the parameters. MMA, lacrosse and soccer I acknowledge, but don't go out of my way for. Living amongst mindless religious zealots called Lakers fans has me loathing basketball. I view most motor sports as a challenge amongst mechanics. I use baseball to fall asleep.

  8. Katie: A then/than post is tempting, perhaps combined with its/it's and your/you're. The misuse of apostrophes really gets my goat. In addition to entitled/titled.

    TQ: You are definitely not the only one!

    Don: I lived in Sonora for 3 years, therefore I no longer find Eurotrash and lumberjacks sexy. :-)

  9. Have you SEEN buggy racing? It's awesome. It's a total white trash sport.