Wednesday, June 02, 2010

The Great Carpentry Caper

I tell ya. Buying a house with your spouse (I'm a poet and didn't know it) and hiring various people to do work on it will either be the impetus that drives you to divorce or will forge your union into unbreakable steel.

The jury is out on my marriage.

Just kidding!

But for reals. The deal is we have this little guy, Sergio, putting in a few doors for us and installing baseboard. He is a carpenter, as you might have imagined, and he has another little guy helping him out. I call them little guys because I'm 5'9 and they're like 5'4.

 Murray enjoying the new front door, pre-install

Anyway yesterday Sergio and his little buddy put the wrong door in where they should have installed a fire door that we special ordered. And my husband came home and FLIPPED HIS SHIT.

Because, see, my husband is a bit of an anal control freak nutjob. Few people escape his wrath if they are within his blast radius when something like this happens. And when I say "something like this," I mean something where you are paying thousands of dollars to a little guy who should know what a fire door is and he installs the wrong door.

Now in theory, I should have caught this mistake yesterday, since I am home "supervising" Sergio and his little buddy. Because I am a construction manager. But the thing is, my husband and my father-in-law and my father-in-law's plumber buddy, Frank, seem to think Sergio is like the second coming of Christ, he is that good of a carpenter. So my modus operandi yesterday was to leave the magician to his work and not distract him. And that is how the wrong damn door got installed.

Pebbles, right? Not boulders? Like, worse things could happen. Sergio could have accidentally cut my hand off with his table saw. That would be bad.

As it happens, he installed the wrong door, which means he has to take it out and install the right door today. Thankfully, once my husband has a few hours to cool down, he's good. This morning, while he was explaining to Sergio that he'd installed the wrong door, you'd never have guessed that last night he had murder in his eyes.

They say that installing a new front door is the No. 1 thing you should do if you're trying to sell your house. It will get you the highest return on investment of any home-improvement project there is. Aren't I quite the smarty pants?! Also, how do you like that brass switch cover? That's some sassy shit, no?


  1. Things do tend to affect me more after 60 minutes of parking lot traffic on my usual 20 minute commute.

    I guess I am a bit cuckoo when it comes to the most expensive object we've ever bought. What would you expect?

    On the other hand you could have a dude that doesn't notice details. Maybe that's better.


  3. Hahahahaha. Cmon you knew what you were getting into when we got married. You're funny.

  4. I fo' sho knew what I was getting myself into!

  5. Let me interrupt you lovebirds to say that I'm so freaking jealous!! The door looks great. I've wanted a new front door also but, hot damn, they are expensive! Knowing they're a great investment just may help me make my move.