Friday, March 12, 2010

Wolves in sheep's clothing. Or something like that

Today I am so pissed off. I spent much of yesterday looking for an assisted living facility that would be covered by Medi-Cal, so that my family can move my grandparents in and breathe a little easier knowing someone will help them bathe, someone will feed them, someone will make sure they are getting their meds.

Well here's the short version (I'm not going to do a whole post on this because it will probably bore you): The government will collect money from you for your entire life via taxes and it will send you to war, and even if you, say, get fucking shot in combat, when the time comes for your government to give something back to you, I hope you don't expect much. You'd better start saving your pennies, kids.

So because I'm not going to blog about that today, I will instead blog about how someone knocked at my door yesterday.

I was singing in the bathroom while putting on makeup. A Fiona Apple song. Loudly. It's one of my workplace rules, singing loudly and spontaneously. I thought I heard a knock on the door but then figured the cats knocked something over (not an unusual occurrence) and continued belting out tunes.

Someone knocked louder.

I skipped to the front door and wedged it open just wide enough for me to fit my head through. The cats will attempt escape when the door opens. And there on my front porch stood two women straight out of the Juniper Creek compound, dressed in homemade full length dresses, no makeup, long hair braided and wound into buns. Their names were Sue and Charlene. I know this because they told me twice.

Sue began speaking and spoke without pause for about five minutes. She said they were talking to people about how to deal with these tough economic times. Hmmm. Free front-porch therapy on a Thursday morning. Why not! She pulled a Bible out of her purse. She read from Romans. I don't remember the verse because I started thinking at that moment of how I was going to make them go away.

She said something about "the kingdom" and then opened a book titled "WHAT DOES THE BIBLE Really TEACH?" She came to a page with pictures of culturally diverse Really happy people who were really happy because they were in "the kingdom," I guess. She asked me something. I don't remember what it was. I remember thinking, "Did that question even make sense? I am not sure she even understands what she just asked me."

So I answered "I don't think I'm prepared to talk about that right now but thanks so much for stopping by." Before I could get the door shut, she pushed the "WDTBRT" into my hands and said she and Charlene would be back next week to see what I thought of it. "See you then," I said. I have no intention of opening the door for these people ever again.

So, look. I don't begrudge Jehovah's Witnesses their beliefs. If they want to believe that when we die, we are just dead, at least until Jehovah comes back and then we throw a big party, that is fine. I don't know where they got their information and I don't frickin' care.

But seriously? If you're going to proselytize to me on my front porch, interrupting a vigorous singing session, at least be honest about what the hell you're doing there. Don't act like it's normal for you to be showing up, unbidden, in your polygamist's uniform to talk to me about these tough economic times. (For the record, I am not calling Sue and Charlene polygamists, I am just saying they look like they are)

My suggestion: Ask me if you may interrupt my day to speak with me about your faith, and explain to me that you are a Jehovah's Witness. At this point, I will so "No" and "Goodbye" but at least you'll be able to know you were honest and I won't feel duped and irritated and be writing scornful things about you on the Internet. Deal? Deal.


  1. On the other hand, their message exactly harmonizes with your first two paragraphs - that human rulership is a dismal failure that only worsens as time goes by. Nothing really improves until God brings about his own Kingdom.

  2. Tom, I suspect you and I disagree on a number of fundamentals. I disagree that nothing will improve until "kingdom come." I wonder why JWs bother with ordinary life activities if they really believe things can't get better until then. How depressing.