Yo, check out my new header, dudes! It's me, all mad and stuff. That is just one of many delightful expressions I can make.
I could have just posted the photo that the DMV took of me a couple of years ago. Anytime my husband wants a good cackle he just pulls my driver's license out and howls with laughter. The expression on my face in that photo pretty much says, "I will kill you," but you have to take into consideration that the picture was taken like 30 seconds after the pockmarked kid behind the counter asked me if my weight had changed since I first reported it when I was 16 years old.
Oh, pardon me, you want me to tell you how much weight I've gained OUT LOUD? My own husband doesn't know what I weigh, and I'm certainly not telling the entire DMV that I am a hippopotamus.
I just said, "No."
Anyway. I asked my husband what he thinks of the new header and he writes via email, I think you're prettier than that, but it's funny.
He's so funny. He's always telling me how ugly the actresses on TV are. Believe me, these are beautiful actresses, but he claims that I am more beautiful than they are. Sometimes I wonder what precisely it is he is looking at when he's looking at me. Because my eyebrows are totally lopsided and I look tired 24-7. I have bad skin and a pointy nose and hooded eyes.
Anyway I told him the point of this blog is not that I am pretty, but that I am a madwoman. It's like a disclaimer: No need to take much of what you see below too seriously.