Today was insane. The last day at any job I've ever had is always that way, because my Momma raised me right and my dad always said DON'T DO SHIT HALFWAY, although to be honest, he probably didn't say "shit." So I stayed all day and made sure everything was left in pristine order.
To my surprise, a bunch of people wanted to have lunch with me today. So we did. We went to Chili's and I felt the way I did on my wedding or at my bridal shower, where six people are talking to you at once and you're smiling and trying to pay attention to all of them. They gave me a thoughtful gift of a book with some of their photos in it and heartfelt notes, wishing me well on my journey.
I loaded the last of my things into my car this afternoon and was driving home on autopilot, as usual, until I jolted back to reality. Remember this drive home. It's the last time you have to do this. I arrived home and greeted my cats and thought This feels the same as any other evening, but it's not because this is the beginning of something new and Oh My God what have I done?
Have I gone off the deep end? I am going to write a book? Me? Lazy Susan? Last-Minute Lucille? Johnny Come Lately? I could have kept my cushy job and maybe soon we could have moved into one of those really swanky neighborhoods where nobody's car gets broken into at night and you don't have to send your kids to private schools because the public schools are just that good.
But NO, I had to go and follow through on my Clean Slate, Jazz Handy 2010 resolutions, turning my life around, all that great shit, yadda yadda. That's all great when you hear it. Doing it? Well, I'm either crazy or I have enormous balls.