I've been editing my blog. There are a few years worth of entries to edit and believe me, it needs it. Some entries I'm seeing are just plain stupid. Like, who the hell cares what I nicknamed the contestants on the TV show The Bachelor?
I've deleted some entries because they're boring and some because they're inappropriate (that's me!!). Like entries about my job or certain ones about my family. Stuff that would probably get me into trouble, in case anyone cared to read what I wrote in March of 2007 or whatever.
Some entries just need a little tweaking, just as any written material can benefit from editing, although there were certainly moments during my journalism career when I would turn in what I thought was a pristine story and an editor would want to make changes to it and I would be like, What the fuck, man?! Why don't they see the genius in this piece?
Because, obviously, my writing is flawless.
Some of the blog entries are pretty good. Not perfect, but decently written and written with genuine emotion, which is when I think most good writing happens. Some of these entries took me by surprise because I forgot I'd written them and they sneaked up on me, like ninjas. The one about my husband's grandmother passing away caught me off guard and left me in tears. I'm not looking forward to getting to the post about my own grandmother passing away, which I'm not linking to because I don't want to find it just yet.
Some of my writing has been self indulgent, but this journey is nothing if not self indulgent. I've left those entries up as a reminder to myself that not everyone is as entertained by what goes on in my brain as I am.
The reason I'm editing is because I'm getting ready to tell almost everyone I know about my blog. That includes my family and some friends who previously were not aware of the blog. When I'm done editing, I'm just going to tell everyone and put it out there and let it do what it does. It might dismay some people. A number of people in my family are religious and likely will not appreciate my religious/political/world views, not to mention that I swear like a sailor.
And I've considered replacing the swear words with darns and gees and gollies, but if I did that, it wouldn't sound like me, and the unfortunate truth of the matter is that I have a potty mouth.
So I'm a little nervous about going completely public with this blog, but I feel that it's a necessary step on this journey. I'm a writer. This is what I've been writing for all this time, such as it is. Take it or leave it -- it's me.
*PS: I've just read the entry about my grandmother, and as suspected, that was so fucking hard to read again. But I'm glad I did, because it was like reading a message from her that I'm doing the right thing.