Wednesday, November 18, 2009

'Twas (almost) all for naught

Well. I spent the last three weeks exercising and cutting out as much salt as I, personally, could (but let's just face it -- salt is divine and cannot be completely eliminated) in an effort to lower my blood pressure, but the only number that lowered was the diastolic pressure (the second number). The systolic (first number) pressure is still much too high, even though the night before yesterday's doctor appointment, I took my own blood pressure and it said 124/80, which is only minorly pre-hypertensive. My doctor says my machine probably needs to be calibrated.

Calibrate this, bitch!

I just had to get that out of the way.

So I was totally depressed about it yesterday. All of these fruits, veggies, mustard and yoga seem to have gotten me nowhere, fast. My doctor has talked me into taking a low dose of a diuretic every other day and coming back to see her in a month. It just makes me want to swear. So: Motherfucker! I am so fucking tired of this shit. Part of the problem is I am not sure I even really believe that my blood pressure is an issue, but a naggling part of my brain is saying, "Hi. Remember last year, when your grandmother died of a stroke? Yeah. Just sayin'."

So I will be a good patient and take the awful pills for ONE MONTH, even though it makes me want to punch strangers in the face and call them cocksuckers and warn them not to tussle with me.

"Don't tussle with me, cocksucker!"

The good news is I don't have AIDS or hepatitis A or B. My cholesterol is fine, although I could use more "good" cholesterol, which you can fix with fish oil and avocados, that kind of thing. Which: guacamole? No problem. Also, my B vitamins and iron are fine, and everything else looks great, except for my Vitamin D, which is rather low. So, I will now take a calcium supplement with Vitamin D and I've been instructed to get 10 minutes of sunshine a day. Which: I work 8 hours a day in an office and it's wintertime, so, NO PROBLEM, obviously. I googled "Vitamin D tanning beds" to see if you can get Vitamin D from going to a tanning salon (which, I KNOW: tanning is tantamount to exposing oneself to nuclear waste, but come on! My Vitamin D would be up AND I'd have a fantastic tan!) and you can! So, Australian Tan, here I come.


  1. Vitamin D deficiency is serious. And, no, I'm not kidding. Get your sun, missy.

  2. Maybe you could take a short walk during your lunch break? Outside? Then it would count toward exercise AND vitamin D!