Thursday, October 01, 2009

Not in my front yard (NIMFY!)

So I should have known better than to be, like, oh look I got sick but I didn't get a head cold because what happened Tuesday night? Karma was like, BAM! YOU WILL BE SICK, OH MOCKER OF ILLNESSES. YOU SHALL BE MADE TO LIE PROSTRATE IN AGONY UNTIL YOU REALISE THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS (Karma is Canadian).

So I did. I lied prostrate for many hours yesterday, with the head cold from f*&king hell. Today I am back at work, coughing all over anyone foolish enough to bother me. Get out of my cube and let me be alone in my misery, thank you.

So because Karma has sucked all creativity from my brain, I shall tell a Hubs tale.

Last night Hubs was turning the sprinklers off in the front yard, when he noticed several teenagers standing at the side of our house, under one of our trees, smoking pot. So he walked toward them (for those not in the know, Hubs does not look like someone who you want to fuck with). The following is a conversation between Hubs and the Leader of the Pot Smoking Teenagers and is an approximation of what was said, given that I was in a Sudafed-induced delirium when it was told to me.

Hubs: What the fuck are you doing? Are you smoking pot?
Teenager: Uh, yeah.
Hubs: Well get the fuck out of here. Why can't you go smoke under an overpass or something?
Teenager: You mean like a homeless person?
Hubs: Yeah, like a fucking homeless person! Get the fuck out of here before I call the cops!
Teenager: Yes sir, that sounds like a good idea sir.
Hubs (walking away): Jesus Christ!
Teenager (jumping into car): He's my lord and savior!

So, for the record, neither Hubs nor I have an issue with teenagers smoking pot, we just have an issue with them being disrespectful enough to do it on our sodding front lawn.

Also, the police are apparently uninterested in these types of activities among the youth of San Jose. Because they were not willing to come check out the situation. And then today we received our ass-raping property tax bill and we now feel very, very slighted by these so-called public servants.

This concludes today's Hubs tale.

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