Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I'm so 3008

So my much-anticipated birthday gift from Hubs this year was a Kindle. Because I read books like crazy, and all too often I buy a book and I don't really like it and then I'm stuck with this awful book sitting on my shelf just saying to me: "Oh hi. I'm a shitty-ass book about a knitting club that you bought because you thought the title, 'The Ladies' Knitting Club,' was probably some kind of reference to a detective agency or something else that doesn't suck the way knitting clubs do. And to add insult to injury, I'm poorly written. Which means you could have written a better book. But you haven't. Because you're pretty much a lazy whore." And if there's one thing that pisses me off, it's when books make me feel like a lazy whore who's squandering her talent and spending valuable time reading about boring knitting clubs.

So what I wanted was a Kindle, which is a nifty device that you can download books to and then immediately read. If you hate the book, the way I hated the book about the knitting club, no need to let the book insult you from its perch on the shelf: Simply delete it! There are a number of other advantages to the Kindle. You're being green by not buying a paper book. You'll never lose your place in the book because it always comes back to the page you left it on. Your fingers won't fall asleep while you're trying to hold your book open in bed -- you can just prop the kindle up against a pillow and keep your digits warm under the covers. Also, you can shop for, and maybe purchase, books you would not normally shop for or purchase in the book store because you're too embarassed to be seen with the book in hand. Such as the way that I immediately bought "The Host" by Stephanie Meyer, who is also the author of the "Twilight" series. Hubs thinks the premise sounds dumb and unoriginal but I haven't been able to put it down.

Possible disadvantages to the Kindle are that your father in law may try to destroy it by poking the non-touch screen violently with his fingers. Also, your cats might knock glasses of water over onto it. And lastly, the day after you receive your Kindle, someone else will probably come out with a cooler-looking technology, such as the way that rat bastard retailer Barnes & Noble released the "nook" this week. You'll rue the day you crossed me, Barnes & Noble!!

Anyway, nook or no nook, I love me some Kindle. All I wanna do is poke my hands through the convenient arm holes in my new Snuggie and curl up on the couch with "The Host." And when I'm done with that, I'm moving on to some trashy romance novels!

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