Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I am the Decider

For the record, I Merriam Webster'd that shit, and "decider" is actually a word. Here I've been heckling G-dub for all this time for calling himself "the decider," and he was right all along. He was the decider. But he was also a total douche.

So here is why I am now the decider. I am deciding what color to paint the house. Three words to describe my decision-making process are: torturous, paralyzing, awful.

Here is why: Unless I have not explained in adequate detail prior to now, I am no Suzy Homemaker. I haven't got a blasted clue about what looks good ANYWHERE, much less on the exterior of my house. Until now, the biggest decision I've had to make pertaining to what the house looks like is what color finish to choose for the hardwood floors. Hubs made me choose the color by myself, with about six Mexicans staring at me impatiently while I hemmed and hawed (BTW I can say that because I am 25% Mexican) for about half an hour. After I finally chose a color, I was completely consumed with regret. I was certain that I had chosen a color that I would hate forever. But you know what? It looks like wood. Harwood floors. Exactly what you would expect hardwood floors to look like. Fucking wood.

So here is the deal with the house color. I know what color I want. It's like a cross between olive and gray, sort of a dusty forest green. I've done my research. I forced Hubs to drive through neighborhoods, while I took photos of houses with this color on them. Yesterday I drove to one of these neighborhoods and got out of my car and stood in front of one of these houses with paint swatches in my hands, squinting and turning around to catch the colors in different lights, and overall probably looking more than a little disturbed.

We purchased three samples that were a relative approximation of this color. Yesterday, I painted them on a wall in the back yard. One looked too gray. One looked too blue. One was what I THINK is this dusty forest green thing that I am going for. But I am so fucking afraid to choose it because then THE WHOLE HOUSE will be this color. It's a large thing to paint, a house. I keep thinking, God, it's so ... green. Am I sure I want green? What if we paint the house this color and every time I look at it, it makes me want to vomit?

Mind you, they don't really make exterior house colors in shades that would look like shit. If you see a house that is a strange color, chances are the owner saw a color swatch for interior paint and asked for it to be made into exterior paint. So even if this shade of green turned out to be slightly off, it probably wouldn't look terrible and no one would really mind. It certainly can't look much worse than what we've got going on right now, which is a taupe color with white trim, and all the paint is peeling off, exposing wood in some areas, and an interesting aqua color in others.

So the deal is, I need to know what color to paint the house by TOMORROW. Because the house is being painted FRIDAY. And Hubs refuses to have an opinion about the color (which is sort of a lie -- he likes the blue-ish one, which is the one I like the least, so he may as well not have an opinion). I went home for lunch so that I could stand in the backyard and stare at the colors on the wall some more. At first glance, I thought, "Oh! I must be crazy. That color is exactly what I want." But then as I stared for longer, I started thinking that I sort of hated it. Which is when I forced myself to leave.

So anyway. That is what I've been agonizing over lately. Stay tuned for my decision, plus before & after photos!

1 comment:

  1. Update: I have now changed my mind and am thinking the color on the left will be the best color. The middle color now looks like poop to me.

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