Monday, June 29, 2009

A Disturbing Revelation

I don't remember how it came up on Saturday, but while myself, Hubs, my parents, my sister and her husband (and Gilligan The Chihuahua) were all sitting around in my parents' deliciously air-conditioned home, the subject of height arose. The men were made to stand side by side in order to determine the tallest (Hubs) and shortest (Dad). My brother-in-law mistakenly thought he was 6'1", when he is actually just a teensy skoch under 6'.

Then us ladies decided we'd measure our own heights, and lo and behold, I am not quite as tall as I thought I was! I've been telling everyone for years that I am 5'10". My driver's license says I am 5'10". At 5'10", my BMI is simply "overweight" and not "obese." At 5'10", I could lose weight and become an elderly supermodel with bad skin.

But what it appears I am, and what I am still not sure I believe, is that I am 5'8" & 3/4. A hair away from 5'9". I've always towered over most of my girlfriends, and many men. At some point, I began to believe I was 5'10", and since I felt like a beanpole walking around my short planet, me being 5'10" was not inconceivable in the slightest. When I wear heels, especially, I am taller than almost everyone at work. People often ask me that raised eyebrow question, "How tall are you?" And when I say 5'10", they have not seemed surprised.

At 5'8" & 3/4, I feel slightly less out of the ordinary. In a bad way. I enjoyed being 5'10". It was great. I would decline to continue dating a short boy, and explain to friends, "Well I'm 5'10"! I can't date someone who's 5'6", regardless of how many mixed tapes they make for me." I'd buy the long pants instead of the regular, and purchased an extra long bed as a young adult and more recently, a sleeping bag appropriate for a 5'10" woman. Not just any old regular, mid-size thing would do. I would tower over my shorter friends and stoop down like the Jolly Green Giant to hug them hello and good-bye, and now I have come to realize it's not that I'm admirably tall, it's that they are freakishly short.

It's all coming together now. This is why I can't quite stand at a concert and see over everyone's heads. This is why my long pants are simply too long. This is why I can't reach the bowls on the top shelf and instead need to climb up on the chair.


Adieu to my days of tall-itude. Not to say 5'8" & 3/4 is short, just ... it's no 5'10", folks. It certainly is not.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, but mix tapes can really win you over.