Monday, April 27, 2009

Put the chocolate down and no one gets hurt...

I had one of those moments with my bathroom scale this morning where you suck your lips into your mouth and experience guilty flashbacks of every meal you've eaten over the last several days. The number on the scale was ugly today, but I've been doing some serious overindulging, so it's not like a huge shock that after a few days off work, gallavanting around Napa, tossing goblets of wine and gourmet food down my throat willy nilly, that I've gained a pound. Or two.

Typically after a bathroom scale experience like the one I had this morning, I'll engage in a conversation with myself in the shower about how I need to diet and exercise and how really, it's very simple. One eats less and moves more and one becomes smaller. I explain to myself that this should be an easy task for someone like myself, who managed to maintain a very reasonable weight for several years by eating healthfully and exercising every day. The mystery has been cracked in the weight loss department, Moam. Simply follow the map with the red X on it to your destination.

That, or continue to gain weight. EGADS. This is not an option. It cannot be an option. Is this an option? At what weight, exactly, will Hubs find me too repulsive to touch? At what weight will diabetes kick in? At what weight will my neck and chin officially disappear and become a chineck? How many pounds 'til I have cankles? When will my wedding ring need to be resized? How fat do I need to be to apply to be on "The Biggest Loser"?

It's awful and scary. I am my own worst enemy and biggest cheerleader at the same time. You're doing so great on this diet! How 'bout a donut? YUM. I feel too tired to go to the grocery store and we end up eating nasty take-out. The cycle of feeling tired continues due to lack of proper nutrition.

There is some kind of brain block happening here. I continue to sabotage myself and I'm not sure why. Sounds like it's time to turn again to my trusty "When You Eat At The Refrigerator, Pull Up A Chair." Maybe Geneen knows.

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