Friday, March 20, 2009

Helpy Selfy

Whenever I have to make my annual trek to the gynecologist (I know, right? Here I go again with the vagina talk), I think of a former friend of mine who, after her own trips to the gynecologist, would declare:

"I'm horny!"

She claimed that receiving her clean bill of health from the doctor always made her want to run out and have sex. And believe me, she did.

So today I did have my annual doctor's appointment and it went swell, thanks. My doctor, who is this absurdly thin and perky lady, proclaimed me in good health and primed for procreation. Although I did not say I intend to have children any time soon, she told me that if I do become pregnant that they'll have me come in for an appoinment around the 6th or 8th week of pregnancy. Which, really? Can't we cross that bridge when we come to it?

She's just being nice and informative, since I did declare my intention to have children between now and age 40, so I probably should just take the information and stick it in the dusty file in my brain labeled, "Things you never knew about babies."

Speaking of vaginas, I am about to enter the Red Tent. Like, tomorrow. And believe me, everyone knows. Or, everyone knows that I have been a raging, hormonal bitch this week (hence the nasty Facebook post on Wednesday. I really do believe in the First Amendment. Really). I barely spoke to Hubs for two whole days, for really no good reason. I hung up on my boss yesterday, which -- Really, MOAM? In this economic climate can't we just be glad to have a job? And I'm sure my vendors are accustomed to these few pleasant days of the month, when I get tired of their lazy asses not living up to my expectations and I bust out some Bitchy.

Really, if people in the Olden Days had been smart, they would have put the women in the Red Tent for the 5 days before their periods, not during. I mean, PMS strongly affects a lot of women, and sometimes, if I forget that I am PMSing, I have difficulty controlling the rage. Why, just this morning, I fantasized about slicing off a man's head simply because he was taking too long in line. Violent, I say.

Believe me, if I could sit in the Red Tent and eat ice cream for 5 days, I would, just to save everyone the annoyance of dealing with my mood swings.

On that note, Happy Friday. Here's to starting your period on a Saturday! Enjoy the weekend....

1 comment:

  1. We do have a free red tent from Cliff that you never use.