Asses Afire

I am sorry. Truly, I am. How can I expect you to read this blog when it is so utterly depressing and boring? And does that mean I am also depressing and boring? Probably.

I don't want to depress or bore you any further so I will not get into how I was crying into my coffee this morning while reading an article in Money magazine about how now is a good time to travel. I mean, what the fuck? I probably just need a vacation.

So instead I am going to tell you about a few things I've been thinking about:

-A friend of mine, who envisions me calling him "Catprick" on this blog (his name is Patrick) told a story on Friday night that had me howling. I hadn't laughed this hard in months, although probably the four glasses of wine didn't hurt. The story goes, Catprick decides one day he needs a haircut. He happens to be near a San Jose salon and so decides to see if they can take any walk-ins. It happens that the salon is called Black Hairitage and is therefore probably a salon for black people. Catprick is decidedly not black. The stylists at Black Hairitage turned him away, even though it looks like they've got ample room for walk-ins. Probably just not Caucasian walk-ins. Later, Catprick tells a black friend about this experience and the friend becomes very angry with him for having the gall to ask for a haircut at a black salon. Now that I've written it, it doesn't look that funny, but believe me, it was.

-Dialogue from the movie, "The Rocker," starring Rainn Wilson of "The Office" fame:
Wilson's friend visits him at his office job and remarks: "I had no idea real life was so boring," and Wilson replies, "It's soul crushing." Yes! Thank you.

-I am becoming some kind of mindless drone. Lately I find myself laughing at things on TV, even commercials, that are definitely not funny. Hubs looks at me like I've skipped my meds.

-Giyen from Bacon is my enemy wrote about an experience with a fortune teller and it jolted my memory. Although I've never had my fortune told by an actual purported fortune teller, I did once have my palm read by a girl in college whose name escapes me. She worked on the college newspaper with me and said she'd trained with a fortune teller or something like that. All I remember of what she told me was regarding my love life: that although there would be other men in my life, there was one who would always be there. I knew him at the time, she said, and she didn't know if we would end up together but said no matter what, he would always be in my life. Whether fortune telling is a load of crap, as I suspect it is, I've always thought that if it's not crap, that guy is definitely Hubs, who I started dating in 1996. At the time of my palm reading, we were "taking a break" or some such nonsense. And now he's stuck with me for life, mwahahahhahahahah....