Tuesday, February 03, 2009

An Open Letter to America, Re: Jessica Simpson

Dear America,

According to, like, everyone, 65% of you (us) are overweight or obese.

Surely most of us are not as slim as Jessica Simpson, who seems to have gained maybe 10 pounds and then, in a moment of poor judgement, wore some awful mom jeans and a really hideous belt to one of her concerts. She is believed to be a size 8. Size 8, people.

The day I am a size 8, I will be a happy woman. Of course, I'm about three feet taller than Jessica, but still. Didn't size 8 used to be the ideal? Marilyn Monroe is thought to have been a size 8, and isn't she a beauty icon? Does anyone ever talk about Marilyn in a "gee, what a fatty" kind of way? No.

Although I know the obsession with watching celebrities' weight will never end, I can't help but voice my disgust with the constant hammering by the media on famous women who eat actual food. I mean, the woman is from Texas. She's lucky she's not a size 80.

And what really annoys me is when a celebrity has a child, and then a few months later if she's still a little pudgy, it's like, "Oh, she's having trouble losing that baby weight." Um. Have you ever been inhabited by another living creature and squeezed it out of your gonads after nine months of nearly constant weight gain? Me neither. Which is why I refuse to judge women who have.

Although I do judge, certainly. At times, nothing makes me giddier than an overweight celebrity. I've blogged about Oprah and her lack of excuses for being overweight. Celebrities who are fat despite loads of money that could buy them personal trainers and chefs make me happy because I feel more normal. So carry on fat celebrities, carry on. (Jessica, for the record, is not fat, and hence does not fill me with glee.)




  1. She definitely looks good physically. The clothing is the show stopper. Eithe she should never be able to dress herself or needs a new wardrobe manager.

  2. it's pretty much impossible for Jessica Simpson to ever look all that bad... she's Jessica Simpson, after all

  3. Ummm....Marilyn Monroe was like a size 12. Even better!!!