Friday, February 29, 2008

Well. That's different

So today was the final day of the Winners Circle Weight Loss Challenge at work. There were 10 participants and the contest lasted for almost 4 months. The fact that the winner lost only 18 lbs. is testament to the true power of food during the holidays. Not that 18 lbs is anything to sneeze at, just that serious dieting for 4 months would definitely yield more.
She was awarded the whole pot - $400, and we're starting a new one. I weighed in with the lowest amount of weight lost, with 0 lbs lost. Most lost around 7 lbs. One woman, who lost 11, even gave it one last ditch effort last night by giving herself an enema.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Hello, my name is MOAM....

So in an acknowledgment of my weight spinning out of control, I joined Weight Watchers last night. The closest thing I can compare it to is what I picture Alcoholics Anonymous meetings being like. Semi-morose attendants sitting by themselves in a dimly lit, slightly dingy room with flip charts and encouraging statements peppering the walls. I am now officially obsessed with counting points. It's actually sort of nerve wracking. They've told me to eat my entire allotment of points each day, and having planned my first day poorly, I have four more points to "spend" and am not sure what to do.

I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Knees & Elbows

I heard a word on the radio this morning that one DJ used to describe skinny women: Antler-bag.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Fantasies of a lush

This morning I was in the midst of a beautiful dream about me drinking a dirty martini when I was rudely awakened by my alarm clock.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Dinner porn

The honey wheat loaf couldn't stand it any longer. Nudged by the steak knife, the bread nosed toward the slowly melting ramekin of butter. "I love you," the loaf whispered, and dove in, head first.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Let's make a deal

Because we have multiple personality disorder, BK and I were looking at townhouses over the weekend (this was mere hours before we decided, for the 90th time, that we do not want a townhouse), and we were climbing back into our car when a man with a pot belly and a jaunty newsboy cap sidled up to the car and motioned that we should roll down our window. We did. He offered to sell us his townhouse with all of the furniture still in it. We said we have our own furniture, but thanks. (Most of it's from Ikea and in need of replacement, but that doesn't mean I want THIS guy's furniture). Anyway after much cajoling on his part he convinced us to come into his house and take a look around to see if we liked it, despite the fact that it's not even on the market yet. It was decent. He had nice furniture. It was absurdly clean. We frightened his teenage daughter, who did not expect two nosy strangers in her home. The man, named Tom, joked he would sell us all of the shoes lined up against the wall in his garage. I joked back that I could always use more shoes. We left, feeling strange. Very strange.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Ze lousy French

Michael Pollan, author of "The Omnivore's Dilemma," points out the possibility that the reason Americans have such difficulty maintaining their weight is there are no cultural traditions or taboos surrounding food/mealtime. The French, for instance, apparently will not go for seconds and will eat only small serving sizes, although they will certainly eat (and drink) whatever they want. They also have a culture that places value on eating together. Americans have become a people that have no issues with eating meals in the car and/or eating alone.

I agree with him, but would add that Americans are also an overworked people who get two weeks of vacation per year, compared to month-long holidays the French (and many Europeans) are accustomed to taking, or so I hear. This sort of thing does not make for happy, healthy eaters in America.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Beauty... what a burden!

My cube neighbor is a 31-year-old woman who happens to be one of those people who is so strikingly beautiful that people stop her in the grocery store or at the gas station or in the gym just to let her know she is gorgeous. She handles the ego trip pretty gracefully. I wonder what compels perfect strangers to remind beautiful people that they are beautiful, as though no one had ever mentioned it to them before. Is it a good thing to do, or not?

Monday, February 04, 2008

Dinner is done...

... when the smoke alarm goes off.

I lit some garlic bread on fire on Friday night, and Hubs was much more relaxed about the whole episode this time around. You'll recall I flambed a steak a couple months ago while attempting to broil it in the oven. Same thing this time around, except this time the bread caught on fire because I forgot it was in there. We have a long standing tradition of burning bread in my family. There's some sort of mental block that happens as soon as bread enters the oven.

Anyway after the steak episode, Hubs had purchased a fire extinguisher, so he's fully prepared in the instance that I actually manage to light the kitchen on fire.