Today my doctor says I must radically change my diet and start exercising in order to lower my blood pressure. I mustn't eat any salt whatsoever. I mustn't eat any carbs other than fruit and yams. I may eat Luna bars, whatever the hell those are. I may eat unlimited portions of vegetables. I must drink water when I wake, before each meal, and before bed.
Ahhh. I'd accomplished so much this year. Really, I'm just going down my New Year's resolution list and checking things off one by one. With less than two months until 2009, I've yet to lose the 20 pounds I resolved to lose this year, but it seems that with my doctor's strict instructions, this resolution may also be accomplished.
Now of course, me being me, this radical diet must come at the most difficult possible time of the year. My doctor actually had the hilarious nerve to suggest that at Thanksgiving dinner I simply shovel turkey into my mouth and avoid stuffing and mashed potatoes at all costs.