Friday, August 08, 2008

An Open Letter To John Edwards

Dear John,

I rarely deign to write letters to politicians (in fact I rarely write the word "deign"), but today's news of your affair offended me even more than Clay Aiken did a little while ago.
Therefore, I feel it necessary to inform you that you are a Class-A Asshole. Good job on joining that esteemed group of men in the public eye who have the gall to cheat on their wives. I've said it before and I'll say it again: It's not so much the cheating, it's the lying.
Cheat, if you will, but when repeatedly asked about the affair, you need to MAN UP. Admit your mistake, and move on. Not you. For months you've been skirting this little infidelity problem of yours, perhaps hoping to be chosen as Obama's VP? Here's news: I think that VP position just flew out the window.
From what I understand, this affair may have taken place during your own campaign for president. Is that true? Are you really so shameless that you would ask Americans to elect you president, as you publicly stand by your wife and secretly frolick with some hussy?
And seriously, John? The wife, with the cancer? Seriously? Could the situation be any worse? You seriously cheated on your wife, who has incurable cancer? Her imminent death isn't soon enough for you, apparently?
Also, I found your statement to the press today disappointing, to say the least. Firstly, you are denying your mistress's child is yours. Which -- I think we should let a paternity test determine the true answer to that question, since you are obviously not a source of reliable information. Secondly, you felt it necessary to say something to the effect of, "Yes, I had an affair, but I never loved her." Ah, yes. That makes it OK. It's OK for you to be physically unfaithful to your wife as long as mentally you still love her just as much as ever. You are a deluded man.
Honestly, John. I find this sort of behavior disgusting. Really. You disgust me. At one point I thought you were a viable candidate, not just for VP, but for the Big P. Now I think you're just a dickwad.


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